A 21st Century Mother’s Day

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Things I did on Mother’s Day weekend 2014:

Giant rose takes over dining room table
Giant rose takes over dining room table

– The husband started things out by taking me to Miller’s Dutch Family Restaurant. We went on Saturday night because Miller’s is always closed on Sunday, so we thought.  We were greeted by signs everywhere that they were now open 7 days a week.  Wonder what brought about this change? But we stayed.

– Went to the evening service of Exalt Church, which was fortunate because it was the only social celebrating of the M.D. occasion the whole weekend.  Received a beautiful rose and there were tasty desserts.  I was pretty full of Miller’s strawberry pie but managed to  put down a piece of  chocolate cake, a sacrificial act, to be polite of course.

– Talked on phone with the eldest daughter who was agonizing over our inability as a family to make much of holidays. Evidently I don’t make people feel guilty enough when they forget when the holiday is, therefore they develop the habit of forgetting. This daughter calls several times a week and we talk a lot so I have no trouble forgiving her for not driving for four hours and appearing on my doorstep.  I tell her not to feel guilty. We perpetuate our habit of not keeping holidays.

– I try to send my email Mother’s Day greeting to my mother.  Called her earlier to apologize for not mailing the card I bought her on time for her to get it. She doesn’t make me feel guilty… hmm, something familiar about this scenario.  Computer is being really difficult and won’t let me send so I go to bed.

– Sunday morning and the computer has healed. I send the letter to my mom.

– The husband has met up with a virus overnight (he didn’t catch a cold, it caught him). He doesn’t want to be coughing and hacking all over people at church so I go alone. Received nice Mother’s Day hugs from several friends. Oddly enough, no mention in the service about it being Mother’s Day (or was I just not listening?)

– Made a call to a young mother and had a good chat.

– Received a long email from youngest daughter yesterday but also today, a picture via text of the card she bought me.  This gives me great idea because theoretically, one would not even have to buy the card – just take phone camera to the card shop and click away. Clever.

– Another text greeting from a “not quite, but almost like a son” young man in California. Came with a virtual hug.

– For fun, I relax by catching up on all 5 types of solitaire challenges for month of May until I am hallucinating and feeling weird.  I see a 6 and immediately think 7, numbers are coming at me from all directions. I go to kitchen for my favorite, Cozy Shack rice pudding.

There are still several hours of this holiday left and who can guess what wonders await me.  Feeling happy and blessed.

 

 

–

Change, bring it on…

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I have to say that things have begun to change for me already, but  that will continue.  Since last August I have been following an inner directive to be free for helping  my immediate family should they need it.  There are extended times in the ordinary progression of life when everyone  is on the young side, fairly healthy, moving forward and enjoying independence.  And then there are those other times that are not all those same things.  If the family is like a wagon train heading across the plain, there are times when they need  to circle the wagons.  That’s a bit of what I feel.

Time is not a limitless commodity. I want to make conscious decisions where I spend my time and who I spend it with.  As much as I love and appreciate my present friends and my community, I kind of arrived here out of financial necessity.  And time spent here has been good, but I am also blessed that I love to spend time with my family, every one of them.  They are all people  I would choose to spend time with, lots of time. Instead, it’s  been limited to a week here and there while on vacation, a reunion every few years, sometimes a holiday celebrated together.  I am ready to choose a closer connection.

That being said, I don’t really know where I’ll be a year from now.  Hey, but until I’m ready to do it, I don’t have to worry about where I’m going.  I just have to get ready to go somewhere.  The husband and I have made great progress toward this – at least I’m proud of us. Every week we get rid of some of our “stuff” that would not be worth taking with us.  We are both thinking about our present jobs and how our work would continue in a different place.  I jumped the hurdle of signing up for my social security benefits yesterday (believe me, it was a mental/emotional HURDLE).  I am scaling back on commitments I make and not jumping into new ones.  I am waiting to see what God will do with my readiness.  And there is a peace in not knowing the timing but just doing one thing at a time as the possibilities become apparent.

steps toward change
steps toward change

 

No not now, not ever, never…

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…is a home owner ever FINISHED working on his/her home.  As much as we love living in our home in the oneacrewoods we know there will come a day when we will sell, move and downsize. It’s on my mind these days and just this morning it was also on the husband’s mind.  He came to me asking about a list that we should make of all the needed repairs.  The list is in my head – no problem there.  The problem lies in finding the available manpower.

Several years ago when the husband and I were talking about our future goals and bucket lists I mentioned how cool it would be to build a house of our own, with all our ideas for energy saving, all our favorite features, the perfect abode.  He said he was looking forward to working possibly for another decade and wanted to come home each night and avoid stress, rest, watch TV, read. No house building.  No, period.  This is just a clue as to how interested he is in tackling any project involving crowbars, hammers and other such weapons of war.

That leaves me.  I was reading my niece’s home renovation blog, http://www.missmeadowlawn.blogspot.com, and remembering how all my DIY projects had nearly ruined important parts of my body. One’s own labor is easiest on cash flow but there are definitely other costs. And of course, in making a decision on where manpower should come from you have to factor in the fun of it all.  Definitely, hire someone.

This is only a partial list, I’m sure. Josh, you know who you are, you need to come over and give us a house inspection so we can get all the rest of the crucial things on it.

ugliest door ever, that never got painted with the rest of the room.
ugliest door ever, that never got painted with the rest of the room.

 

backsplash area that never got tiled when kitchen was redone...
backsplash area that never got tiled when kitchen was redone…
something has eaten this for lunch...
something has eaten this for lunch…

Oh, and the master bedroom still has only a temporary, painted, concrete floor because we want to renovate the master bath first.  That is the logical order of doing things if you don’t want to mess up a nice, new cork floor.  We decided that four or five years ago when we tore out the aged bedroom carpet.  Waiting, waiting…

It really is a wonderful thing to own your own home and work on it yourself but I’m just sayin’ don’t think you’ll be finished with it anytime soon.

Reflections on A to Z

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This challenge was worthwhile for me and I received enough feedback from others to get totally addicted to it.  Even that little bit of self-imposed pressure of joining the challenge made it easier to write every day (Sunday excluded) and the alphabet prompt definitely made it easier for every letter except Z. I met quite a few amazing writers and hope to get to know them better as I continue reading. It’s becoming clear that for a blogger, time spent reading and commenting is almost as important as time spent writing.  I know it helped my stats but it was also a bit depressing to see how many zillion more followers and likes other people had.  But “followers and likes” were unknown to me a short time ago and at least I’ve got a start.  It was just plain fun.  And my inner circle of regular readers seemed highly entertained by my efforts.   Thank you so much everyone!!   Here is a repost from a few days ago.

Six Seven Things I Learned from A to Z Challenge

1. I can write regularly.
2. Writing regularly is easier with a prompt, no matter how random or silly.
3. Writing regularly gives you more opportunities to write something good.
4. Not everything will be great or even good, but something is probably better than nothing
5. Reading other’s writings stimulates your own.
6. Readers who interact are immeasurably valuable, they become friends and mentors.
7. Z is my hardest letter.

Shortfalls

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Today I am haunted by a feeling of despair, uselessness, and disappointment with myself. It started with a valid point, a realization that I had fallen short of my own expectations in an important area of my life. And then it grew. Gained momentum. I say it haunts me because I continue to walk about looking somewhat normal but I’m aware of the feeling and I talk less, retreat more, have less energy and confidence, feel sad. It’s like a shadow that I can’t shake off.

I’m writing about it as self defense. I imagine myself walking down a dark street and hearing footsteps following me. I begin to worry and want to run but I know that I’ll probably be caught. So the best defense is to turn around, face the stalker and scare the living daylights out of HIM. At least I’ll see him face to face and he’ll know he’s been identified.

I know it’s not healthy to allow (yes, allow) a negative message to take up residence and repeat itself over and over in my mind. And even though the original thought was mine I think there is a spiritual force that just loves to seize an opportunity when it sees one. It may be thought of as superstitious and backward to believe in a devil but hey, there is a glaring amount of evidence that something loves to work from within to destroy people’s lives. It is expert at destruction and extremely covert. I don’t care what your name is. I’ve turned around to look and I see you. And more importantly, you can see that I’m not alone – like you thought I was.

Oh WordPress…

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by going outside, I mean working outside...
by going outside, I mean working outside…

Today, having survived the  A to Z Challenge, I decided to ignore all my tech gadgets and go outside – for the whole day.  There was no checking the email every 10 minutes on the phone, no looking for likes and follows, no reading and commenting. It was a nice break.  Until a few minutes ago at the dinner table when the husband said “what happened to your Z post?” Blank look from me.  “It wasn’t on your site so I went to facebook and saw it, clicked, it came up for a moment and then disappeared, so what happened to it?” More blank look from me.  

I know I published the post yesterday, but sure enough, there it was back in draft form on WordPress. Now how did that happen?  I’m not going to cry much but when I decide I’m going to do something on time, it had better happen on time.  After making myself crazy getting 25 posts done and up on the exact day they are due, the last one comes in a day late? Nooooooo……. 

I’m ok, really. I had a great day. I got to play with fire. In fact I’m still burning brush at 7:30 pm and I started at 3. Living in an oak grove produces LOTS of downed branches which I have to clear off the lawn every week before I mow.  The pile was getting a little out of hand so I’m writing while keeping an eye on the blaze (we don’t want to burn down the neighborhood tonight…).

I am really good at starting fires, probably a little prideful about it even.  If I were on the reality show “Naked and Afraid” I would be the one to start the fire and keep it burning. Of course I would never be on the show because it’s a bit freaky and a really bad idea to be naked in places like the Amazon jungle.  What people will do to be on TV… 

I started this fire with papers that I got tired of trying to put through the shredder yesterday. I was cleaning old files and it was taking forever to shred things that I randomly decided should be shredded. I knew it would be quicker to burn them and it was.  However it was odd to look at the papers as I lit them up and see “keep for your records” in big type across the top.  My paranoid self said “wait, don’t do it!” and my other real self said “calm down, they’re from 1999, nobody has needed them yet – pretend they’re still back in the file.”  Paranoid self “but it says KEEP, it doesn’t say how long.”  Real self “shut up”. 

I used to be diligent about throwing away old records and keeping only ones 7 years back but lately I’ve just forgotten to do it.  No, actually I avoid doing it because I am paranoid that the husband someone is going to ask for something the day after I throw it away.  And the other reason I keep stuff is for necessary balance in the world. I’m balancing out my friend Karyn who throws it all out. She’s a financial adviser, for pete’s sake, and she says it’s all online when you need it. Well, I know what happens when I try to find something online at the last minute – forget that. Karyn also has a garage with nothing in it except her car and a row of steel shelves with labeled, see-through plastic bins. That’s just not right. My garage also balances out Karyn’s garage.

As I said, with all this great burning going on I’ve had a really good day and the brush pile is nearly gone. Hmmm… I think I need to go turn on the hose, ‘scuse me.    

 

now don't you go getting out of hand...
now don’t you go getting out of hand…

A to Z Challenge: Zenaida

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I met her several years ago because her son was needing help with his English schoolwork.  I was a tutor for the “No Child Left Behind” program and arrived at their home one day after school to spend some time meeting the family and assessing exactly what was needed.  Our friendship went from being centered on her son to food rather quickly.  She was always cooking something in large quantities and urging me to take some.  She packaged hot meals and sold them to workers at her husband’s workplace.  

She and her husband were Hispanic and back in Mexico she had gotten a degree in Accounting, I think, but that didn’t count for much here in the States.  She did whatever she could find to do in between her children’s school schedules. Her husband worked in construction but this was in 2008 and Florida’s economy was taking a hit.  They were barely making their house payments, but they had their own place. It was clean and neat.  

Our friendship deepened later on. Hispanic women (and men) have a thing for fragrance and Zenaida signed up with me to sell cosmetics and perfume.  We marketed together, got dressed up and went to sales meetings.  Later still, when my daughter needed an extra hand in her house-cleaning business, I suggested she try Zenaida and it was a good suggestion.  The clients loved her integrity and work ethic.  When my daughter moved on to vet school, Zenaida inherited her business.  

Zenaida is still the friend who shows up at birthday parties and graduations with a full tray of home cooked tamales (my daughter’s favorite). She still wants to help with my cleaning and yard work and is the hardest one to take any pay for her work. She just wants to be a friend, and she is.  And her name begins with Z (for which I am thankful). 

Zenaida is a common name for women in several cultures and is also the name given to the Zenaida dove which is our mourning dove.

Six Things I Learned from A to Z Challenge 2014

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  • Six Thinigs I Learned from A to Z Challenge

    1. I can write regularly.
    2. Writing regularly is easier with a prompt, no matter how random or silly.
    3. Writing regularly gives you more opportunities to write something good.
    4. Not everything will be great or even good, but something is probably better than nothing
    5. Reading other’s writings stimulates your own.
    6. Readers who interact are immeasurably valuable, they become friends and mentors.
    7. Z is my hardest letter.

    • A to Z Challenge: The Joy of YES (the letter Y)

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    photo of painting by Andrea Heimer
    photo of painting by Andrea Heimer

    Yes. A beautiful word. I can think of so many times when I’ve been thankful to hear a “yes” from someone. Yes, you can do that. Yes, it can be worked out. Yes, I have time. Yes, you’re accepted. Yes, it’s going to be okay. Yes, I found it, it’s here. Yes, it can be fixed. Yes, I love you.   It’s easy to get in trouble with my “yes” and my “no”. My fearful “no” makes me miss out on valuable experiences. My unthinking, default “yes” results in an overcommitted, overwhelming schedule. So, to be purposeful and joyful in saying YES I am going to

    1. Say yes to people I love. My cousin recently asked me for some sewing help. She and her daughter came over and we spent time together doing a project she really wanted done. That was a good “yes” and actually got me thinking about the subject.

     

    1. Say yes to experiences rather than vicarious living. Going to Cambodia was something I never imagined myself doing. It has also been one of the most enriching experiences I’ve had in all my life. And it grows better each time I go.

     

    1. Say yes to creativity over merely consuming. Writing something, sewing something, growing a beautiful plant, making music are the activities I run to when I wonder who I am. For some strange but wonderful reason, I need to create to be happy.

     

    1. Say yes to things that are lasting over things that are temporary. As I sit here thinking, I know science doesn’t have an answer that satisfies me as to how I can be aware, have a conscience, be a unique person, be more than just physical matter. The metaphysical, the spiritual side of me exists and it feels a connection to the eternal.

    So may my yes’s be many, made with joy and wisdom. And may my no’s be few and judiciously spoken.

    Goodbye April Poetry Month

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    Poetry is so mysterious.  I love the collection of quotes about poetry on Addie Zierman’s post today, especially one by Dave Harrrity: “They aren’t silver bullets, tweetable platitudes, divine deliveries, or didactic directives that help you “be a better person.”  If a poem made your world easier, simpler, or more livable, then it’s almost certain that you haven’t read a poem.”

     On the Frustration of Poetry

    I danced the dance

    fought the fight

    did the hard thing and listened to my soul.

    And when it was said, I

    presented it to him,

    that teacher,

    that Know-it-all,

    that God.

    And all he said (though not unkindly) was

    “that poem’s not finished

    keep writing.”

    Shirley Dietz  2013