In about 12 hours I’ll be going to Cambodia again. It is always a surreal experience for me, as I am such an unlikely candidate for such far away travel. I’m old enough to be a grandmother and never had expectations of going farther away than the edges of my own country. I don’t necessarily have a yearning for travel and can’t imagine why it has happened to me (for the fifth time now!) except to say that an unseen hand must have picked me up and dropped me on the plane.

These days preceding the flight have been filled with hectic activity, not leaving much time to think about the trip, but when I have thought about it…

• How different will it be for me, doing it alone this time?
• I don’t have suitcases full of toys, crafts, and medical supplies this time. What am I supposed to do with all that room? Take clothes?
• What will I do with those 26 hours of travel time if there are no good movies? if it’s hard to get up and walk around? if I can’t sleep?
• I hope I don’t break the hot pink headphones I borrowed from Gracie.
• At last I’ll get to be that person at the airport looking for someone holding a card with my name on it.
• I wonder what the taxi fare will be – have no clue. I should have handled more of my own money matters on trips before.
• I wonder if I will remember the children’s names, or even recognize them after two years. They’ve grown so much. I wonder if they will remember me…
• A real hotel this time, not a guest house with known hosts. The Double Leaf Boutique, at the exorbitant price of $40 per night. Times have changed!
• I wonder if my aging computer will make it through the two weeks. And my phone’s camera…
• But I’m not going to take as many pictures (haha – I say this every time). I’m just going to put new dates on the old ones.
• I’m not going to buy anything at the markets. No, not a thing. I don’t need anything.
• I’ve seen their chickens. How am I ever going to stay on my paleo diet?
• Two weeks without my favorite pillow, should be interesting. I’m tired already. And beds in southeast Asia are mostly hard in my experience.
• I shouldn’t have cut my own hair – this is how they are going to remember me forever. There will be photos…
• How has the country changed? I wonder if the roads have gotten any better.
• How many hours of TV will the husband log while I’m away?

It’s the last few hours and I’m making myself finish packing. I’m hoping that once I get there the long trip will be forgotten and I will regain my enthusiasm, but for now, I have to admit I’m lacking in that category. I’m asking God to show me, definitively, why I am doing this. And I know he will.