I know he was real because I heard his voice.
(Dad died last May. I found the tape today.)
One liner Wednesday is brought to you by Linda G Hill.
McMaster Carr and other helpers
I am taking a break this noon while my pain killers take hold. It is yard clean-up day week. Let me introduce you to McMaster Carr who has helped me in my job.
McMaster Carr is a company that makes and sells virtually everything that other things are made from – every little tube, bolt, bushing, wheel, piece of metal, plastic, rubber or glass that you can think of. Every year they send out this huge, six inch thick catalog, of which I have three. I use them for various purposes, most having to do with how well they weight things down. But today I discovered that they make excellent fire starters. I have enough paper to start my recreational fires (I have to call them that – explain later) for the rest of my life and probably the first few years of eternity. Fires are an important part of my clean up, or at least they are fun.
I started yesterday and quickly got overwhelmed with all that had to be trimmed and taken out of the way before I could even mow in the oneacrewoods. Things got a little out of hand, you might say, over the summer. But I did make a little bit of progress and decided to adjust my attitude. I’ll not be overwhelmed, I’ll just work at it real hard for a week and then it will be winter and most things will go dormant, I hope. I can do this.
I’ve pretty much stopped trying to grow food, unless you count the pineapples that I grow for the unnamed animal who eats most of them. And I’ve kind of stopped trying to grow anything ornamental, unless it volunteers. I can keep completely busy just deciding what I will not allow to grow and removing it. Really, that’s all I do now is take things out and burn them. Now you know why fires are so important.
God knew what he was doing when he put the first people in a garden. There aren’t many things as satisfying as takiing something as beautiful as nature, and then organizing and cleaning it up a bit. Nature can go a certain distance toward keeping herself beautiful and there are some fine examples of that in the oneacrewoods, but it’s often every plant for itself and that can get wicked. Someone, me, has to be in charge and keep peace between them. God called it “dressing and keeping” – good description.
My other helpers are various rusting implements, bought at garage sales and held together with duct tape, several tarps that I use to pull debris from one place to another, and my Toro mower (the one piece of equipment that I brag about here). Without this stuff, well, we don’t need to go to that dark place…
This year I’m going to take pictures after I’m done and hope I can see how much better the yard looks. I have to add that a couple weeks ago when I was outside on the driveway an oak tree threw a fairly large limb at me and barely missed. I’m just saying, I sometimes wonder if plants have a different perspective on my activities. But, I’m not ready to call it war yet.
Okay, I have scared a few people…
This has nothing to do with Halloween, or playing “chicken” on the highway. I’ve been waiting patiently for the last week for something I wanted to write, and then something popped up. An online survey by a friend was investigating the complaint by some women, 55 and older, that younger women just don’t seem to “see” them anymore. And this is what started me thinking about being scary. Obvious connection, right?
I can remember being younger. I can remember being in the middle. I am older now and I will tell you that everyone suffers a bit from feeling that others don’t “see” them. We are all overtaken at times with the feeling that we are invisible,that others are rushing past us to talk to someone else. I think I’ve figured out why it happens. It’s because conversation, talking to people, is hard work. It not only takes a degree of self-awareness, it takes being interested in and curious about others.
Age difference is an element (here’s the part where I scare people.) Once when I was the mother of teen girls, a boy came to the door of my house wanting to see one of my daughters. I think I asked him some pretty relevant questions, like “who are you?” and “tell me a little about yourself”. The fact that I was direct and wanted a minute of conversation was frightening to him. He told my daughter she had a scary mom. He told me also, later, after we knew each other better.
I do find age differences and status differences intimidating. I remember thinking older women were more experienced at their jobs, or their child rearing, or homemaking. They were doing things so much more important than I was. Now I find myself thinking that younger people are so much smarter, quicker and tech savvy. They’ve been writing computer programs since first grade probably. I’m afraid everybody else is too busy to engage. I’m worried about looking and sounding stupid or boring. And although I’m sorry to admit it I’m often more comfortable with my “devices” than I am with the people I’m supposedly connecting with. Uh oh.
However, I do have strategies, because I do LOVE TO CONNECT with others, younger or older. Sometimes I crave the company of my young friends and love that they come over unannounced and interrupt me. I want to tell them that they are more important than anything else I’m doing. And that’s my strategy – I tell them. And if it’s you I’m talking about and you haven’t been over for a while, please don’t be afraid to show up.
Other things that work well are telling people they are doing something really cool (if they are), or that they look really good (if they do). Do this to strangers that you find interesting and they will most likely be glad to talk about themselves. This is hard for me when I don’t feel like I’m interesting to others, but often this feeling of being uninteresting is just a feeling, and a false one at that. I can make myself get over it (almost all the time).
One more strategy, and it’s one I’m still working at remembering. This one is what I should use with people I know well when we have deeper conversations that involve stronger emotions (think mother/daughter, wife/husband) . It is always good not to look scary. Sometimes I look scary and I don’t even know it, or my body language is intimidating or disrespectful. Fortunately, those who love me, tell me. Hey, get your intense face on and go look in the mirror. Would you find that an invitation to connect?
My main point is that we all have valuable things to say to each other. We need to find out why we don’t always say those things and why we don’t always foster helpful, supportive relationships – and then it would be good if we did something to turn that around. What turn around strategies do you have?
All in the Details
Details, details
I know what a gateway and an alcove is. I have an idea what a portico is. Parapet, maybe? But really, trying to come up with a picture that looks like a building from the description in Ezekiel chapter 40, I just can’t do it. They are all mentioned over and over again, complete with measurements, in all four quadrants of the compass, and oh, throw in several sets of stairs, some courtyards and miscellaneous openings too.
Mom and I were sitting in the airport restaurant with some time to spare and this chapter was today’s reading from the Old Testament, NIV Bible. What was troubling to me, was verse four of the same chapter where our prophet Ezekiel was told that all this detail was important for some reason. He was supposed to “listen closely and pay attention” so he could tell people everything he saw. Trying to figure out stuff like this has always been part of what makes Bible reading problematic for me.
Later, on the way home from the airport, I started thinking about it again – which is always a good thing to do if you have asked God to help you understand something. Here was a man who had a vision of some kind. It could have been a dream, but I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone dreaming with this kind of detail and then remembering it. He’s inspired to record it and it is somehow preserved for a loooooong time for people to read later and wonder about the detail in it. I know people who would say there is great significance in all the measurements and numbers and that may be. For me, what jumps out is that God was clearly caring about a lot of details.
You know, just maybe he wanted us to know that about him. Maybe he is a “detail guy”.
Perhaps, when he’s asked to help plan, he is able to arrange events and time them so that over the summer I am able to travel four different areas of the world with just enough energy and finances to suffice.
Perhaps he is able to move people in and out of my life to allow for me to be helpful, but not overwhelmed by all the stress and travel.
Perhaps he can bring me together with family members for some significant relational time, even though the arrangements are complicated.
Perhaps he can make possible a stay at a cottage by the beach for mom and me, when my remodel project isn’t finished yet.
Perhaps he can handle a delayed flight (maybe he even arranged it) that ended up with mom getting a better non-stop flight home, with the window seat she kind of longed for. And maybe he put the right person in front of us, apparently waiting for us, who was able to come up with that idea and make it happen. (Thank you Delta!)
I wanted more pictures of mom and me together and we had time for one more lame “selfie”. (Mom says I don’t really look like that. Would someone please take some candid pics of us doing something besides looking at a cell phone camera?)
And how we enjoyed the extra time that allowed us to eat a leisurely breakfast together and read Ezekiel 40. I’m just sayin’, God is pretty detail oriented and this is not the first time I’ve noticed.
Feast of what?!
I am in Destin, Florida which is a beautiful resort island on the Gulf of Mexico. I am staying in a gorgeous four bedroom condo on the 9th floor with a view of the waterway and the city on one side, and a view of the ocean on the other. I am roommate to my Mom, who is visiting from Wisconsin and together we are staying with my brother’s family. I am surrounded by those I love. We are here because it is the Feast of Tabernacles.
It is always a bit complicated to explain to others about Christians who keep the holidays given in the Bible. In the past I have spent many years keeping Passover, Day of Atonement, Feast of Tabernacles and the weekly sabbath (which, by the way, means seventh day). I respect, which is the best word I can think of right now, these practices even though I do not celebrate them currently in the same way. I think there are rich things to learn by observing them. And perhaps the most influential thing to me is found in the Bible in the book of Zechariah, chapter 14, verse 16, where it says, prophetically, that every survivor of whatever is ahead will go to Jerusalem to celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles, year after year.
If it’s going to be important then, why should it not be important now? I believe Biblical prophecies have an amazing track record of coming to pass, so I want to stay in touch with these days that clearly originated with God and seem to be significant.
Today we went to church and the message was about grace. People who keep anything associated with the Old Testament are always being accused of trying to earn God’s favor by the things they do or don’t do. There are probably some who are doing this. But many people I know from my years in “the cult”, so called, are simply wanting to become more like the Jesus that they know and love. I’m all for that. I also know many people in the Christian circles that I’m part of today that feel the same way even though it does not lead them to keep days like the Feast of Tabernacles. We are all in different places, having differing perspectives. That is God’s problem and he knows what idiots we all are when it comes to faith and spiritual things. I’m thinking he will find a way to get us all together when he wants to.
But for those who are curious and want to know how “average Joe’s” like our family come to stay in a million dollar condo – it is because God set up a system called “saving your money”. People who follow these holidays save up roughly a tenth of their yearly income to be spent in one week. It is also biblically based and represents a future time of abundance of everything good that is also prophesied to come. You might think that this is hard, maybe impossible in the present economy, but people do it. Actually it is not nearly as ridiculous as spending the whole month of December shopping and being in debt for months after paying for what you made Christmas to be about.
As I said, I am here spending some precious time with my mom, and my brother’s family. We are all away from home and our every day responsibilities. We are talking, having meals together, thinking about our faith lives, and being grateful to God who provides these opportunities. I’m just saying that it’s beautiful here and I’m having a really great time.
For travel enthusiasts, this is a really great destination if you love the beach and ocean! Here are some scenes…
Ode to Zoe
Zoe, I always thought your name was a little unusual
but that it was suitable for a cat who was not the usual kind.
I could not determine if you were strange to me because
of your breed or because of your life experience.
Long of leg, large of body, small in head – your were not
the cat we photographed often. Your stare was unsettling.
I knew you when you belonged to your previous owners,
a beast barely tolerated by some, and you busied yourself
staying out of the way of dogs and scratching leather furniture.
When your claws were removed, and you could not defend yourself
they were afraid to let you outdoors. You were famous for
filling the litter box all too quickly, and making loud noises in the night.
You came to us when others became allergic. We took you
in for love of them and not out of love for you. I don’t
think you loved us. I knew you when you were overweight,
and your hair came out in great clumps. I knew you when
you chewed yourself bloody where the fleas congregated.
You didn’t look at us very often, you didn’t look happy.
But for all your mess, things we had to wash up, scrape off
and deodorize, for all the times when you fought the other
cat and left fur all over the room (you both were gray and we
could not tell who had won), we began to love you. You stopped
eating desperately and became slim. Your fur became soft
and easy to pet. And you watched us differently.
You learned to go through the cat door, to love the outside
and to run to the sound of your automatic feeder. Your favorite
place was on the man where he was soft and warm and you purred.
The man gave you special food and doted on you. You made loud
noises looking for him, often in the night when you were lonely.
I loved that you went outside and no longer used the litter box.
You no longer needed to look out for the other cat (she died)
and you relaxed and all the space became yours. You only ran from
the vacuum cleaner and small children. You and the man became
very much alike, with your routines and the places you camped
out as you watched television and napped. You were all the animal
we had and I guardedly say that we enjoyed you most of the time.
Today, you are gone. I am sad, but especially the man is missing you.
Feeling that you may have had a terrible fright at the end and violence.
We would not have chosen that for you but neither would have had you
be ill and lingering and miserable. As I said, you were never impressive
for your looks and not much photographed. But you were loved and
part of our family, even though your stare was still a bit unsettling.
Fashionable Me
Home improvements have temporarily deprived me of a closet. All my clothes are stacked on chairs in the room that’s become my bedroom. It’s the perfect time to implement the “tidying up” principle and get rid of clothing that doesn’t make me happy (read about that here). Today I am picking up each piece and asking myself if it goes or stays. There’s something very revealing about the process. As I listen to my self talk, I hear this person who has trouble letting go…
- this one fits, I wonder if I can get that stain out, keep
- that one was just what I needed (that one time three years ago), keep
- hate this color, but wow, no stains, have to keep it.
- where has this been? how come I’m not wearing this! Wear tomorrow, keep
- this always makes me so hot, but what if I move north, better keep
- this one never shrinks or shows dirt, keeper for sure (never wear it)
- I paid for this one new, can’t give it away yet (never wear it)
- my daughter gave me this (sob), fits her so nice (not me) keep
- nice blouse (not for me) maybe mom would wear it, keep
- cute but what was I thinking, I’m not 20 anymore, maybe daughter would wear, keep
- this might go under something (couldn’t ever wear by itself), keep
- love this one (nearly broke arm getting out of it 😦 ) keep
- I look so good in this one, can stitch up the hole, maybe, keep
- I love the way this one feels (one day a year in Florida…), keep
- my favorite color, except for the stain, keep and wear for dirty work
- this seemed like a great idea when I was in Cambodia, might go again, keep
- I know there must have been a reason I bought this, keep
Funny thing, the happiness factor hardly ever enters my mind when it comes to clothing. It’s so much more about serviceability and protection and staying on comfortably. Not that I don’t appreciate a little color and style on occasion, just sayin’…
So what does your closet look like? Have you tidied up lately?
Know how I feel about my mom?
Dear Mom,
Good morning and I’m thinking about you as I sit in a quiet house having the morning’s first cup of coffee in “your mug”, the one you didn’t want to send off to Good Will when you moved. I’m saving it for you. I like it too.
I just want to tell you that I feel so blessed, at my age, to be able to write a letter to my mom and have her be able to read it. A lot of people don’t get the chance. That you are still here is partly because you are not that much older than I am, only 18 years, and partly because you navigated the storms of life pretty well. You probably don’t feel like you did it all intentionally but you did make many simple decisions to be patient, to be faithful, to not worry, to work, to ask for help, to trust others, to love and to be flexible. They all add up.
And now we are in a different season. For the first time since you were a teenager, you are exploring who you are by yourself. Once again, I am so amazed at your ability to try things and come to conclusions about them. While many who lose a spouse would retreat and let themselves be forgotten, instead you are reaching out to your family and friends and being a part of their lives. You’ve concluded that you don’t like to be living alone – a good thing to know. I am so looking forward to spending time with you again, not just to visit, but to have those longer shared experiences.
Now that my own children are out of the house and working on their lives and careers, it is a comfort to me to know that you have been through that part of motherhood. You’ve seen us kids make bad decisions, go through tough times, lose people we love, wrestle with faith, take risks. You lived through it, and because of that I know I can too.
I’ve always wanted to spend more time with you – you were a fun mom – but even more so as I became aware of you as an interesting person, not just a mom. I loved interviewing you a couple years ago and finding out details of your early years with your own parents and siblings. As someone who reads and recognizes a good story, I realized I was hearing one. There is a tendency as a child to think you know your parents, after all you grew up with them. What it really means is that they know you much better than you know them. I look forward to learning more about you.
I will see you in less than a week. We will talk, share our morning coffee times, read together, do a jigsaw puzzle or two, take some pictures of us together, sort through life, laugh, remember…. I look forward to it. So grateful for the time. Love you Mom.
26 things I’ve learned by age 26
These good things to have learned ring true not just at 26 (try 62…, okay 64) so I’m reposting the list for my own benefit as well as yours. Please read, think, live them out.
The Future Starts Now (Scary): A Windows 10 Review
And who better to write a internet technology review than me? After all, I was one of the lucky few (smirk, smirk) to be offered a free Windows 10 upgrade, not only once, but EVERY time I opened my computer for the last couple of months. Smarter, faster, more secure… what’s not to like about that?
Evidently Windows 10 is new enough that not many reviews have been written about it. I couldn’t find any as I was toying with the idea of trying it. I asked around among my tech savvy friends and no one had any advice to offer. I didn’t find any help online either. Finally, just to get rid of the annoying pop-up I agreed to try it. The marketing lesson here is that if you badger people long enough they will agree just to get rid of you. But we knew that…
The upgrade was pretty easy since it required nothing of me except for checking boxes that gave permission for me to turn my life over to Microsoft for pretty much anything they wanted to do with it. I can see that it’s true – they have to know all those details about me in order to know what ads I would appreciate seeing (never) and what movies and news programs I want to watch (not). Advertising specifically tailored to my needs is very important. I don’t even remember what I did with my needs before the internet came along.
The initial appearance of my start screen was, well, smaller? Instead of charms spread across the whole screen they were all lined up in a small box on the left of my screen. I later learned that was desktop mode. I learned it when I accidentally got in tablet mode and couldn’t find a way back. You’re thinking “why didn’t she watch the tutorial?” I watched the little movie. I watched it every time I encountered a new question. They were always clicking buttons and tabs that I didn’t have on my screen. I gave them virtual punches in the face.
After not being able to open my Open Office program for several days I finally adjusted by stopping production of documents. I was pretty proud of myself for that fix. After a couple weeks of learning my way around and thinking “I can do this” I noticed a weirdness of slow motion taking over my usual online activities. Not wanting to blame Windows 10 for every interminable black screen, or frozen loss of control episode, I called my computer’s doctor and got a prescription to clean up and check for viruses. It was about time anyway.
All was well, as I recall, and I was thinking things were moving along a little faster. Truthfully, I don’t remember everything that transpired in proper sequence. Did I close down and restart before the next problem occurred? Don’t know, but suddenly I’m going nowhere on the internet. I’m getting a simple message that there are no internet connections available. That’s happened before. I turned of the power to the router and rebooted, twice I think. My cell phone was connecting with wifi, my internet home phone was connecting with wifi, but my computer kept saying there was nothing to connect to. Liar, liar, circuits on fire.
I spent the rest of yesterday looking for a wifi switch on my computer, looking for Windows 10 help on my cell phone, and having real angst about being so reliant on the elusive cyber world. During my search for Windows 10 connection problems I ran across a note from Microsoft that offered a return to my previous Windows 8.1, which at that point felt kind of like a lost child finally finding mother. It didn’t occur to me that I would need the internet to bring my mother back. I clicked. The screen was black for hours.
I finally decided the computer had turned itself off and was not just working silently in the dark. I powered up and Windows 8.1 magically loaded itself and all my familiar friends were there and in good health. Thank you Windows 10 for the experience with smarter, faster and more secure… just sayin’.
I Just Have to Say... 