Fear

I am afraid of my blog. 

I am afraid it will punish me if I don’t write in it. I haven’t been to it in a couple weeks and I know it’s sitting out there with an attitude, I can feel it. I want to go hide from it. I want to teach it a lesson, that it can’t harass me this way just because I don’t feel like writing. You know, sometimes you actually have to live life in order to have something to write about, duh?

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Hey blog, maybe I forget to take a picture of every little thing I do, maybe I just don’t want to, and of course I can’t post without a picture to go with it, or so you say. When we started this whole thing blog, you never told me that my media file would get full and that it would be nag, nag, nag.  “Make me a premium blog and I’ll give you all the media storage you want! (he, he, smirk)”.  You never told me it was going to take an hour every Tuesday just to delete emails from all the other blogs that actually have people writing in them regularly. Guilt trip, guilt trip. Do you think I have nothing to do but read blogs all day? And just maybe I’m becoming aware that my family is nervous every time I do something with them because it’s going to be a blog post.  I get that look, you know the one.

When we started this relationship, it was a dear diary thing, something my mom could read so she would know I’m still alive, just a record of my mundane life.  I really just want to be reminded of what’s going on from day to day because I’m so old that it’s hard to remember.  What was I doing a month ago, a year ago? But now I have Facebook for that and I don’t even have to ask them.

But you, blog, you have become a weight on my soul. Although I’m all for discipline, I need it for other more important things (like eating my vitamins and taking baths) and can’t see using it all up on you. There are a lot of other things I’m not doing right now but are they hanging around making me feel guilty? No, not usually.  And you aren’t the only game in town either – maybe I’ll write a book. Yeah, a book, a little book with short chapters and you’ll see how important you aren’t!

Okay, maybe I’m just having a bad day week month and I’ll be sorry next week that I “lost it” and wrote about you like this. Maybe, maybe not. I’m just sayin’, you need to quit making me feel bad. That’s all.

3 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Lol! Yeah, mine speaks to me like that sometimes, but I refuse to apologize. It’s like some moms say (not mine of course, and certainly not me to my son!): “I’m the mom. I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.” You don’t even need to smack it upside the head. Just remember: You’re the Writer. You’re the Creator. Feel no guilt or need to apologize to your creation or anybody else. Live. Write when you have something to say. We’ll be waiting right here. ❤

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