This is the beginning of my fourth day, visiting in North Carolina. Everything is going pretty well.

Yesterday was exciting because I rode a horse again. There has been a period of time when I’ve stayed off horses. It ‘s because it seemed like the risk of injury was real and unnecessary. I felt the same way when I quit water skiing after nearly pulling my arms out of their sockets. But yesterday, I wanted to ride Andi. He is a beautiful gelding who used to be my horse and now lives with Julie on her farm. He’s been ridden much more regularly lately and there were four others going on this ride. It was on Riverbend property and all the horses are used to these trails. It felt safe. And it was fun. Andi is still quite energetic but he behaved well. It’s nice to not feel “too old” to do something I’ve always loved to do.

Some reflections on being two years old (not that I remember it personally):

Gwennie is 2, and in many ways I feel sorry for the stage she struggles with. It has to be hard. She is now so aware of herself as a separate person from her caregivers and parents. She has learned to say “no”, just for the feeling of power it embodies. But she’s still too inexperienced to know the good reasons for saying “yes” to many things. 

Today she always says “yes” to ice cream, fruit snacks, and watching Bluey on any available screen. Tomorrow it may be different. 

When she gives her attention to a person speaking to her, she looks at them seriously. You can see her focusing on what is being said. She is on task, learning what language is for. Because of that, her ability to speak has jumped tremendously since the last time I saw her. 

She has learned how to beg, saying “please” with just the right wheedling inflection. Inflection and body language are not lost on her. We don’t know when or from whom she learned to stomp her foot when she’s mad and saying no, but she’s got that down too. 

She has to be desperate before she asks for help with tasks she thinks she can do. She anticipates people stepping in to help. She often tells me “no Mimi, don’t help me” before I even think of helping her. I would describe her as “rough and tumble”, athletic and a risk taker. Last year when I visited, she would only spend a minute or two in the swing before being done. The motion seemed to make her dizzy and uncomfortable. Now, she climbs in the swing herself, buckles her own safety straps and wants a “big push”. There is always a lot of laughing and squealing for joy. 

These first few days she has almost seemed resentful of me. She has not wanted me hold her. She says no to almost everything I ask her to do. She clearly prefers mommy, daddy, her siblings and Emma to me every time there’s a choice. That’s gradually changing, mostly because I don’t try to get her to do anything. I sit and watch Lassie with her. 

She runs most of the time.  She has more blue jeans than I do. She wears cowboy boots. Her “princess hat” is a brown, winter sherpa with ear flaps. But she has learned to sit still while daddy puts rubber bands in her messy, blonde hair.

She has learned to pretend. She takes daddy’s order for pizza, puts some in his hand, and takes his imaginary money. I know that’s not how I learned to pretend, but times have clearly changed. She plays alone in her bed, putting moose and frog down for a nap and covering them. She has her private places where she plays and sings to herself.

Watching all these things happening is fascinating and thought provoking. I am seeing how a child soaks up everything in their environment, for better or worse. I am seeing how important parenting is. 

Kevin and Julie are at their jobs already. Emma (super nanny) is playing with Gwennie. I think my task for today will be getting ready for Wednesday. A friend from Hayward is coming down to visit me and the family, and get a taste of North Carolina. My friend is a man, close to my age, and yes, we have been getting acquainted for the last nine months. I haven’t been writing about our experiences because I wasn’t ready to write. Maybe I am a little more ready now. More to come.