Tag: elder care

Vigil

Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

If a person is a nurse, which I am by profession, it is almost impossible to avoid having to make decisions for people. At the very least one has to know when to influence people to make a decision for themselves that is best for them. Sometimes the decisions are about life or death and the responsibility can be scary and somewhat overwhelming. It just comes with the job. When I walk out the door on my way to work I am most always in a prayerful mode, asking God for the patience to make it through the day and the smarts to know what I am seeing when I look at my clients.  It’s been one of those scary weeks and I am thankful that my prayers are heard and answered.

My newest elderly client (and friend) has been out of rehab and at  home for almost three weeks.  He came home far too soon and needed a lot more help than any of us knew he would need, but we had hopes that his strength would increase and he would thrive. He was so overjoyed to be in his own house and out of the hospital.  I was leaving to visit my parents a few days after he came home, but we managed to get a crew together to be with him almost 24 hours a day.  There were ups and downs as everyone settled into routines. I returned from my time away and began helping with Jack’s care again.

And then this week, there came the morning that he was so short of breath that sitting up on the side of the bed required a rest period.  Trying to get into the car for a doctor appointment was so difficult that we decided to cancel it.  And his own admission that he didn’t feel well and just wanted to lie down finally tipped the balance for me.  Something was wrong and not getting better.  This was the first time I have ever called 911.  It was a good decision.  We were in the ER for the next six hours and he was finally admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure.

There are four of us caretakers for Jack and we are still keeping vigil.  He was moved to the cardiac ICU yesterday. Jack remains uncomplaining, always worrying about whether we have eaten, always trying to send us home to rest and wondering if we’re taken care of.  We have hopes that he will improve and come home again, but there is an awareness of how fragile life is, how quickly things can change and how precious the time is that we have with each other. I’m just saying that vigils can be a bit stressful…

Giving Care

Shirleyjdietz3 Comments

This week I have not called my mom.  I have not called my daughters. I have not done any writing. I have not done the laundry or cleaned the house. I have hardly been at home.  I started a new caregiver assignment that turned out to be quite challenging.

Even young people can have a hard time when they are weak and sick, but being that way when you are elderly is worse.  It is a pit of helplessness.  My friend Jack is in that pit.  I don’t know if I can help him climb out but I know I can’t just leave him there either.

After spending seven months either in the hospital having surgery, or fighting infections, or getting his diabetes regulated, or in rehab trying to get his strength back – he is finally at home.  He was giddy with excitement when they brought him out to evaluate his home for safety.  It wasn’t that any of the institutions were bad places.  He had just had enough of the routines, of professional friends, of hospital furniture, of TV on the ceiling.  He dreamed of the peace and quiet of home.

In spite of having a nurse manager, an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, a home health aide and me, medical “girl Friday”, this week at home has made Jack realize that he had some very high expectations.  Meals don’t appear magically at home.  Messes don’t clean up by themselves.  There are no helping hands at home every time you feel a little dizzy or off balance.  Home can be a scary place when you are alone, when you fall and can’t get up, when your blood sugar is so low you can’t think straight or have the strength to get out of bed. Help comes and goes, but has often gone when you need it most.

Every day during my time with Jack, we would work on some of the problems he was having, we would have a meal together and then he would nap, pretty much worn out.  My five hour stretches were the longest periods of time that anyone was able to be with him.  Every time I left, I felt a bit guilty, almost afraid of what I’d find when I returned.  I got the impression that he was anxious too, wondering how he would get by.

So, I’ve gotten a chance to watch Jack suffer, mentally and physically.  He has had to give up every shred of dignity as we women do things for him that he would much rather do for himself. But I have yet to hear a word of complaint, or even of anger really,  Somewhere along his life path, Jack has learned to suffer well.  As I watch, I think how valuable an example that is.  We all will suffer something, sometime, and have to decide how to view that suffering, how to act when we are in the middle of it.  Can we learn and grow from it or is it a waste of time?

I found  a caregiver who will stay the night with Jack, starting tonight.  As he was meeting her he seemed more hopeful, stronger, more able to talk.  Maybe he will work through this hard time and gain his independence once again.  At the very least, I think he will get a good night’s rest.  I will also rest better tonight.

Have you learned something valuable from a time of suffering in your life? or from watching someone else suffer well?

Where’s the Lid?

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Who would expect mayhem in such a peaceful place?
Who would expect mayhem in such a peaceful place?

It’s as if someone left the lid off the crazy bottle lately and little demons are spilling out all over.  Evidently I completely missed a life or death battle next door last night.  True, the person who related the story to me is a bit given to drama –  if he was really being chased around the yard by an angry woman with a shovel, would I not have seen that? Sigh.  We have two adjoining houses in the oneacrewoods.  We’ve rented out the second house ever since my parents stopped coming down in the winter.  I would say that probably 75% of the renters have been people we enjoyed having next door.  The other 25% have given us some bizarre stories to tell.  I have come to understand that this is all part of being a landlord and no matter how careful one tries to be, situations change, things happen.  The ideal appearing applicant is still a human being with life problems and things can go crazy down the road. I wonder if the message I see in all the recent events is that it’s time to make life a little less complicated.  Simplification can be a beautiful, freeing thing and I might be ready for some of that.  What am I going to want to put up with in five years? ten years? or, for instance, when I’m 90? This week I went to visit the 90 year old lady, living by herself, who needed some help dealing with her security company (read about it here) .  We were able to solve that problem without too much trouble, but I became aware of other problems that come with age and limited mobility.  After we cleared a place off at the table where months of mail was stacked, our conversation turned to how she hadn’t eaten much that day and wished she had a complete food for herself like she did for her dog.  Some sort of pelletized people food would be ideal.  She still drives her truck to the store for milk but she admitted that it was getting a little scary.  And yet she hesitated at my offer of help.  Her mind knows she is not taking good care of herself but her body makes it hard for her to do any better. We are all getting older and we need to watch out for each other and help each other when we can.  I’m just saying, who do you know who needs some  looking after?  Food for thought.