How to Get Dog Tired

I could lie down on the floor just like this, right now.
I could lie down on the floor just like this, right now.

A couple of weeks without writing goes by so fast – I don’t even notice.  Sometimes I just want to go live life for a while so I have something to write about.  I think so much better when my hands are busy, especially when I’m outside and busy.

This morning it was English Ivy.

“That’s a really pretty plant covering your fence now.  Couldn’t you plant some of that after the new fence goes in? It looks like it grows pretty fast.”

Um, where is the fence?
Um, where is the fence?

My daughter and I were discussing plans for replacing the existing fence which is nearly ready to dissolve in the next rain.  It has been there since the house was built in the 50’s.  The dogs keep finding/making holes and escaping. The new fence has been in the plans for a while but fencing here in Washington costs so much it takes my breath away.

“There’s a problem with that plant – it’s an invasive species so I don’t think we should keep it”.   So that was settled. It had to go, and I had a new project.  I love having a clear, understandable goal with a probable outcome (because it  helps make up for all the unclear, non-understandable elements in my life that have no known outcome…)

Armed with gloves and two sizes of nippers I took off the outermost layer of vine, hoping to see fence.  But as with many plants with dense foliage, there was another layer of dead, dry leaves, mold and dirt beneath the living.  Clipping and hacking my way down to the fence, I began to notice the dust in the air, especially when a new section was pulled clear.  The thought occurred that it might not be good to be breathing all that.  This thought was soon followed by coughing that I couldn’t control and a nasal sinus condition that made me wish I had an inhaler.  I’ve never had allergies, but this stuff wanted me to develop one.

Eh, no plant easily deters me from a well made plan.  I coughed my way through and stuffed all that section of ivy into trash bags.  Some of the main branches were two inches thick and many of the vines had grown right into the fence and become part of it  – and I only mention that to impress you and to explain why I’m now tired as a dog. And I don’t  know if dogs are really tired or just bored so I’m just sayin’ that they look tired and that’s how I feel.

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There was a fence under there and I found it.

I Would Like to Say but I Can’t

I can hardly talk.  I’ve had this predisposition for laryngitis since I was a teen but I’ve been so healthy the last few years I had almost forgotten what it was like.  When it happens I know I’m going to attempt to say something but I don’t know if I’ll be able to make a noise or  not, and if I do it will probably not be audible as speech.  Then I’ll have to push myself to talk louder and my throat will tighten and actually begin to hurt.  The first cough will come, very dry and bark like.  It won’t satisfy the dryness, the itch, the involuntary spasms in my larynx until I cough again.  And the more I try to stifle it the worse it becomes until tears are streaming from my eyes and I’m in a coughing free for all.

Where do I not want to be when all this takes place?  Several places.  My worst memory of it was in a plane over the north pole during a 16 hour flight from Cambodia to Atlanta.  I was trapped in my window seat by two other people, and I don’t know where I would have gone even if I could have gotten out.  Another inconvenient place is church, on stage, playing the piano.  Not good.  And then there was today, on the quiet, serene orthopedic floor of the hospital. I  had been talking too much and it triggered an episode that I thought would not end well.  Fortunately I ran into a sympathetic nurse who not only brought me water, but cough drops as well.  Coughing like that makes one feel like a major source of the plague.  Maybe I was.

I was visiting  my client/friend, well, back up a little.

Last Monday I got a text in the evening from my client who is mostly paralyzed, having a C-5 spinal injury.  She does drive a specially equipped van and had been out doing errands that day.  It simply read “I almost got killed today on Manatee Ave.”  With an opener like that, I thought surely she would tell me more but no.

I talked with her again a day or so later and learned that her electric wheel chair had gone off the sidewalk, over a four inch curb and nearly dumped her in the street.  She had been saved  by her seat belt and two young men who pulled her back into the chair and the chair back onto the sidewalk.  Other than losing her lunch during the panic she didn’t think she was injured.  But over the next couple of days there was evidence of pain, then swelling in her leg and finally an x-ray that showed a broken femur.  I knew nothing about this last finding until last night when I got an email from a friend with a partial name of a hospital and a room number.  It was late. I went to bed.

This morning I got up early, before testing my voice, and scurried over to the hospital.  Her room number was 932 but, funny thing, there was no 932 in that hospital, and no one registered by her name.  And it took a lot of vocal energy to find this stuff out, believe me.  So I sat in my car and thought of another hospital where she could have gone.  I experienced the agonizing frustration of talking on the phone, having no voice.  It’s not like I could use body language or charades or pencil and paper.  She wasn’t at that hospital either.  I went home and sent out several queries by text and waited for answers.

I did finally find her in the next town south and made it down there by mid morning.  Other than the above mentioned coughing fit, the visit went well and I was glad I went.  This is why.  She is scheduled for surgery and when going to surgery, jewelry is removed if possible.  My client had a ring that no one had been able to remove from her finger.  It was valuable and she was not wanting to have it cut off.  I knew a nifty trick to remove a tight ring that I had learned years before from a youtube video.  I was dying to use it on this perfect occasion.  Everybody should know this method because it really works great and is so easy.  You can use thin elastic, ribbon, even dental floss.  I used crochet thread because I happened to have it with me.  So, I’m going to end with this and you should watch it because you never know when you might be someone’s answer to prayer.