Pact with my Children

July 20, 2015July 24, 2015 Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

To My Children: Putting Words Toward the Pact

There are various kinds of promises people make to one another in moments of devotion or need that are significant to their relationships. Some are of their own making, others I believe to have been modeled by God and meant to be carried on. One of those is the pact that parents make with their children – probably more like a covenant since it is more of a unilateral promise. I believe that God extended to me an unconditional love guaranteeing his care, his forgiveness when needed, his support, membership in a spiritual family that I can’t quite comprehend, and all the other benefits he is able to provide. He knew I would have trouble feeling the depth of his commitment to me, so he came up with an idea to help me experience his side of the covenant. He gave me a family.

When you children came along I began to love you immediately. I watched you grow and studied your natures and found you fascinating. I loved being with you. There were hard times and disappointments but none of that lessened my desire to work toward your highest potential and greatest good. I saw what God was trying to show me through our relationship. The trouble was, I was not God. My performance falls so short of his, and my understanding is never going to be complete in this life. But he also enables me to have his help. His help often comes from a spiritual, unseen world that many have trouble believing in and accepting. But I believe it and do not need confirmation from those who haven’t experienced that other world.

I promise as much as is humanly possible to love you, my children, without end. Nothing depends on your ability to return love perfectly because I know you are human too. I will try to listen to you, understand your messages, not be quick to conclude or brittle in my responses to you. Whatever you are going through, I want to be a safe place for you to express it, to examine it, and to process without it becoming “all about me”. God will help me do this.

Others will love and support you, but none of them will be quite like me because I am your mother. It doesn’t mean I will always care for you as when you were little and needed so much direction and teaching. It will be more like a friend who is putting you as a high priority when you need physical help, financial help, supportive time, care when you are sick, and all those things we all need even as adults. I am here to go through life with you. I am held responsible for that, right behind my responsibility to God, and then to my husband. I am told in scripture that this will bring me purpose and fulfillment in life and so far that has been true. In all its stages, being your mother has been my favorite career.

I will grow in my understanding of what God is doing among us, but I’m just saying, I think I’ve got this right.

Another Seattle Adventure

July 16, 2015July 7, 2020 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

On the 4th of July this year, we (Mom #1 and Daughter #1) searched out a hike near Seattle just to get out of town and into nature. Some friends, another mother and daughter team, who lived in the area we visited went with us. We stopped to pick them up on the way. The destination was Twin Falls State Park. It is east of Seattle on I-90 and we probably did an hour of driving to get there, some of it through forests (beautiful!) and some of it on freeways through traffic (um… not so beautiful). There was not a lot of parking room at the trail head but we got there early enough to find a spot. My daughter had to buy a day pass with a tag for the car.

This is a forest, so there are a lot of trees, naturally.

And it's a mountain, so the direction is basically up.

We headed out along the trail up the river. Mom #2 was already ahead of us and had taken off her shoes to go wading, and it did look inviting. We continued up the trail and came across a beautiful pool which looked even more inviting, so Mom #2 decided to stay and swim. She had been up the trail before and was determined to spend time in the water.

Could you not have told us this before we got way up here...? Thank you for the exercise.

Switchbacks and rock outcroppings, old growth trees and ferns made the trail interesting enough, but when we finally got waaaaay up there we came across this fine sign. Oh great.

So down we trekked to the pool where Mom #2 was still swimming, and this time really swimming not just wading. What a beautiful spot! Daughter #1 was tempted to try wading but not really wanting to get her clothes wet. There were a couple dramatic moments there until she got safely in to a good wading spot. Others were climbing a large rock above the pool and doing some jumps – more drama there.

I’ve since learned there is an alternate trail to the falls and I’m thinking that calls for another trip. We drove to the closest town, a nice little village with several shops and eateries, and had lunch before heading back to Seattle.

...eating some pretty delicious looking crepes.

Good Times and Bad Times in the Air

July 11, 2015July 11, 2015 Shirleyjdietz1 Comment

This sunset was so awesome. I couldn't stop taking pictures of it. — This sunset was so awesome. I couldn’t stop taking pictures of it.

I will start with the good time. While in Seattle I got to visit the Columbia Building with daughter Esther. This qualified as an adventure up in the air because I actually saw airplanes going toward SeaTac on about our level. It was above the Space Needle and every other high building in the city, actually made all the rest look small. What a great view of the city, the harbor and the surrounding geography! We had a special invite to happy hour at the Tower Club – thank you Duncan – and it was a great experience. To relax with some great food and drink and conversation, all the while getting to look at this.

I mean it, I couldn't stop. — I mean it, I couldn’t stop.

The appetizers we shared were large enough to serve as our meal. We had lemon risotto, garlic mashed potatoes with buerre blanc and asparagus on one plate and quinoa with roasted tomatoes, glazed carrots and squash with kale and herb sauce on the other. Delicious. Duncan was very creative with the drink he made Esther, using rhubarb liqueur and egg white. He is the lead bartender at the Tower Club and did such a great job of making us feel welcome. His parting advice to us was to make sure we visited the Ladies Room (even he had been there). And the pics will show you why…

20150709_185338[1] — This was so, so good!

I couldn't resist the mirror shot... — I couldn’t resist the mirror shot…

20150709_200258[1] — Don’t you love this sunset?!

The flight home from Seattle was the bad time up in the air. I won’t mention the airline because I don’t think it was their fault. It was a “red eye” flight. I was tired and wanted to sleep. I had a middle seat between two strangers and as I usually do I said a few words just to let them know they had permission to speak with me if they wanted to. I got a one word answer from one of them and that was the only exchange for the rest of the flight. We all wanted to sleep, including the people in front of us who promptly reclined their seats. I mention this because once that seat back was reclined I found I could no longer reach my bag which was at my feet. My arms weren’t long enough. And this became problematic when around 3 am I got a headache that made my whole face hurt and needed some headache relief medicine from my bag. And to make things worse, it was really warm in the cabin. I don’t know if they did that on purpose or maybe I just worked up a sweat trying to get my bag without lying my head down in someone’s lap. Crashing headache, claustrophobia, heat wave and a developing nausea – perfect conditions for sleeping. I was so glad to get off that plane, 5 hours later in Atlanta.

I took a couple Excedrin and started to feel the pain go away on the second flight, but by then I was having headache hallucinations – thinking I was eating my airplane snack while I was really sleeping. It was very strange. But now at home and after a good nap, I feel none the worse for the experience. Travel, you never know what’s going to be next. Just saying’…

Been up in the air a lot lately... — Been up in the air a lot lately…

For Gwendolyn with no middle name… on Mother’s Day

May 9, 2015May 9, 2015 Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

Mom, I am so blessed to have you as my parent. Thank you so much for:

my family unit of which you are the hub, the one around which we gather
your style, the objects you surround yourself with and hold dear, even though they sometimes come from garage sales
your availability, our early morning talks
your love of coffee and willingness to share it with everyone
well, hey, your love of food in general, and the way you make it a part of every good gathering of people (cinnamon roll queen…)
your total lack of complaining. I don’t know how you do it.
for not giving up on people or things too easily.
for helping Dad when he needs it.
for continuing to be curious about relationships, about technology, about faith
for making me feel special by sharing things with me that you probably don’t tell anyone else
for taking responsibility for your own feelings and not putting guilt trips on other people
for taking independent action when it’s needed, for being brave and willing to offend the right people at the right time
for loving books and being a reader
for your devotion to solitaire challenges and keeping your mind sharp
for faithfully reading my blog and liking my posts. I write for you most of the time.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I will always love you.

Not about to win any contests but we are beautiful to each other, and that's not a small thing. — Not about to win any contests but we are beautiful to each other, and that’s not a small thing.

A to Z Family Stories: E for Every Easter

April 5, 2015April 5, 2015 Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

There we would be – however many of us there were at the time. All lined up, or as close to that as possible, in the moment before the boys got into some dirt, the moment before we were herded into the car – hopefully not late for church. It was the Easter photo op.

Weeks before the event the planning would begin. Mom always made a new dress for me and I still have memories of many of them, partly from seeing the pictures so many times but also I remember how I felt in them, what I thought of the fabric, who I was trying to look like. Little girls always got a hat. Who started the Easter bonnet thing is still a mystery to me but it was a habit that died hard. Easter was also one of the two times when one might expect to get new shoes to go with the new dress. And because the snow might be melting by Easter I sometimes got to wear the new shoes without boots over them. There were so many things about the holiday that spoke of spring freedom.

The real miracle of Easter was getting all my brothers cleaned up and dressed in their church clothes before something tragic happened to one of them. For simplicity’s sake they always had matching outfits in various sizes. Often one component or another would go missing – a sock, a belt, a shoe – adding to the craziness of the morning. I can remember family routines of getting things ready on Saturday nights (commonly referred to as bath night). Shoe polishing must have been one of my favorite things to do as I have a mental picture of small shoes lined up, last week’s newspaper underneath them to protect the floor. But it was mom who did most of the work. I think she was the one who took most of the pictures, just to prove she had done the job.

Our church family and the routine of the church calendar added much to my growing up years. It was a pretty safe place to be, and there weren’t expectations of perfection that left me disillusioned, jaded or burned out. We were just people and we seemed to know there was something about God that called for our attention. Sometimes we gave it fully and lots of times we didn’t. I don’t think God was surprised.

By the light of the moon…

January 29, 2015January 29, 2015 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Today Dr. Julia had only one appointment and we were going to spend a good part of the day switching her vet box from one truck to another – a process requiring a lot of unloading and reloading and four strong men to do it. Unfortunately the doc has also been on call all day. It is now dark and she is still giving shots to Howdy, Whiz, and Li’l Snip.
It’s been a long day and a hard day. The worst of it was euthanizing a sweet little mini who was in severe colic. We shed tears along with the family over that one. Those are not easy decisions to make.
And we have not even started switching trucks. Maybe tomorrow. Some days are just this unpredictable.

Today’s Marvels

January 14, 2015January 15, 2015 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Today I was suddenly entrusted with delivering my 9 year old cousin (twice removed) to her play date at a friend’s house. She hadn’t had breakfast and the plan was to stop for a yogurt parfait at McD’s. I was mentally thinking of the best route for fast food on the way – these are roads I travel frequently.

Me: I think we will head toward the interstate and stop at the McDonald’s right near there. Ok?

Gracie: That’s fine.

Me: Is there anything else you’d like for breakfast? Is that all?

Gracie: Well, there is a Marathon gas station with a Dunkin’ Donuts right there and I really love their hash browns.

Me: So you are sure you are hungry enough for me to make an extra stop for hash browns?

Gracie: Yes, I’m pretty sure

I made it to the first stop without any trouble but on leaving I got in a lane that I wasn’t sure would lead to the hash browns.

Me: Oh, I think I’m in the wrong lane. I don’t know if I’ll be able to turn left again before the interstate.

Gracie: Yes, you can.

Me: I really don’t think there is another light to let me turn left.

Gracie: No there isn’t a light but there’s a place that you can wait in line and turn when there aren’t cars coming.

So you might not think this is a marvelous thing that a 9 year old should know where all the favorite fast food is – true it’s not. But how many know for certain the traffic patterns and how to navigate them when they have never been drivers? I didn’t know there was a left turn opportunity there, for cryin’ out loud! This is also the child that shows me all the short cuts through the neighborhood “the way Daddy goes”. I have been with teens and adults who couldn’t direct me to places they go to ALL THE TIME because they don’t pay attention when someone else is driving.

I’m just sayin’ I know who I want riding with me when I start to forget where I live.

And I also want to remember where this gas station is.

I know it won't last but wow, look at that price! — I know it won’t last but wow, look at that price!

Forty-Two

January 11, 2015January 11, 2015 Shirleyjdietz1 Comment

I remember the night I first saw this ring... back when it still fit. — I remember the night I first saw this ring… back when it still fit.

It’s the number of consecutive years that the husband and I have been married as of this coming Wednesday. We’ve been thinking about it a lot this year, and by that I mean I’ve been thinking about it and when I’ve brought the subject up the husband doesn’t run away. He’s actually listened and conversed on the subject. I think we are both in agreement that we need to be more deliberate, purposeful, in our way of commemorating the decision we made those long years ago.

It is not an easy thing to do – this commemorating stuff. We both come from plain, work oriented backgrounds, families that didn’t put a lot of stock in celebrating. We had some imaginative ideas the first few years but after the demands of child rearing and careers interfered we didn’t try as hard. I can’t say that there is one main thing that both the husband and I like to do together either (I don’t count eating) and that always added to the dilemma. I like planning and surprises, which are both like words in a foreign language to the husband. He likes…. I don’t know what he likes. When he makes suggestions, I seriously wonder if he knows what he likes anymore. So why do we bother?

Because it really has been kind of an amazing thing – this partnership of two so disparate personalities. Not a day goes by anymore that I don’t see somewhere evidence of pain, suffering and inconvenience from failed relationships and broken covenants. But here we are, still together, with no desire for it to be otherwise. I feel sad that in the coming years marriages of forty, fifty, sixty or more years are going to be a rare occurrence. Our forty two years haven’t all been a 10 on the happiness scale but that was more due to life circumstances other than marriage, and probably would have been much lower had we been going it alone.

I guess what we are really wanting to acknowledge to ourselves and to others is that covenant love is so vastly different from what our society calls love. It’s a decision, a promise, a grounding, a secure, known place where two people can know they belong, no matter what. It’s meant to mirror the love covenant that God wants to have with the people he created.

People laugh at me for calling Dennis “the husband” but there’s more to that label than you might think. He’s not just “a husband”, he’s the husband meant for me. I’ve had times when I honestly couldn’t think of why God brought us together BUT even then I was sure that he had. I’m still sure (and I’m still trying to find out why God brought us together…) The beautiful thing is that we really do love each other based on something outside ourselves, outside our feelings, apart from our circumstances and we’ve seen the blessing that has been.

I have somewhat romantic, idealistic female children and I think they sometimes see the husband and I as having this lack luster, boring existence. They might even wonder if we love each other, which is not good in this day of “the best thing you can do for your children is to love their mother/father” mantra. That is perhaps one of the most important reasons I want to make it a special year. I want my girls to know that we do care deeply for each other, and for them, for our family. We might not have planned the cruise of a lifetime, or renewed our vows in a big ceremony, bought each other expensive gifts or spent the week’s food budget on a night out at a restaurant. We might actually watch TV till 8pm, take our dose of NyQuil and try to go to sleep without coughing ourselves to death – it’s been that kind of a week. But we love each other, and we know it… once again, just sayin’

Where did the time go?

October 18, 2014October 18, 2014 Shirleyjdietz3 Comments

The town of Hayward, Wisconsin where my family lives is about four hours from a major airport so I have become familiar with the shuttle service, Northwest Travel. This morning at 6 am, I climbed into the van with Dave, the driver, for the ride to Minneapolis. It was dark dark. Dave had just made it home at 10 pm the night before, having made the same run.

We talk from time to time about the area were driving through. Most of the drivers are retired people with a history in Hayward and we usually find we have people and places in common.

I’m grateful my mom packed cheese and crackers and apple slices which she thought would make a good snack on the plane. They are breakfast for me and are gone in the first half hour. The flavor of the smoked Gouda mixed with the sweetness of apple is so right for fall and the quiet darkness of the trip.

It was a busy time, this last ten days. The routines and tasks were different from my usual so in that sense it was a vacation, and a refreshment, not my usual work.

I got along fine with the one outfit of clothing that I wore. Mom and I made a trip to the thrift shops and at $4 a bag I was able to put together a nearly awesome northern wardrobe. I recommend the no pack method to anyone brave enough to try it.

I enjoyed spending time getting to know my neice and nephew as teenagers. I stayed with them a couple of times when they were much littler. Now they are homeschooling, driving, babysitting others and doing their own cooking and shopping. Times change. Missed my brother and his wife but so glad they were able to take a much deserved anniversary outing.

And of course the precious (can’t really think of another word for it) time with mom and dad, sharing some of their routines, talking. We laughed over lots of things, got stocked up on jigsaw puzzles for the coming thanksgiving holiday, and last night we cried over a sad movie. More memories, and hopefully we will be able to remember them, although you never can count on that.

Thankful for life, for the ability to travel, for the opportunity to share simple things. Thank you, once again.

Beep, beep, boop?

August 28, 2014August 28, 2014 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

What? Who did this? To those of you reading who are not also bloggers, I will explain. One of the latest updates to WordPress, my blog host, includes a cute little “beep, beep, boop” message wiggling around in the center of a blank screen for a few seconds after certain commands are instituted. It’s a thing to look at while you’re waiting. Evidently someone thought that us bloggers would lose interest and wander off if we didn’t have something new to look at for three seconds while our post is being published. I’d like to meet the originator of this idea and try to figure them out. I’m always amazed at the things people will think to do. Actually, sometimes I’m also amazed at the things people don’t think to do – the old rule, never say never, applies equally to never say always. Both good things to remember.

This last week, every time I sat down at the computer I lost interest and wandered off. One day I didn’t even turn the thing on. But that’s ok. A week of inactivity online doesn’t bother me much and gives me the opportunity to write about what I have been into while I haven’t been writing.

– Equate extra strength Headache Relief, for the headache that doesn’t seem to want to quit. Although I’m probably not doing my stomach any favors, I’m grateful for the four or five hours of relief and super wakefulness that I get from swallowing a couple pills.

Hello headache, my old friend... — Hello headache, my old friend…

– Intraocular injections (shot in the eyeball), for the eye problem that was dramatically improved, in the doctor’s own words. I’m grateful that it’s working and that I don’t have to get another one for five weeks, although I am getting used to everything about them (except the cost…)

– Childcare, for several of my yòoung friends who I realize I’ve been missing. How come you guys can grow up in what seems like no time at all? Gracie, Lydia, Josh, Zeke, Shiloh – grateful for time spent with you that makes me feel younger even while I marvel at you getting older. I’m troubled by the fact that I’ve never played X-box. Is that weird?

Childcare for her, adult care for me... — Childcare for her, adult care for me…

– Old letters and old files, for the urge to purge and to organize. Lots of stuff has been burned or shredded, but lots else has been rediscovered and readied for the next project, memoir writing. I’ve always been alarmed by my lack of memory for details of the past. Not only did I forget all those details, but I forgot that I’d written them down in letters to others. This morning, reading letters written to my mother ten years ago, all I could think was “Really, I did that?” and “Did some other person’s life sneak into my letters?” Grateful for the written record of the past.

I'm more prolific than I remembered. — I’m more prolific than I remembered.

– Appliance shopping, because the washer and dryer that have wanted to leave my house for years, finally broke free. Grateful that within hours of starting to shop for replacements I came across a used set that is probableyten years younger. After only one session with the furniture dolly, the truck, the hoses, wrenches and plumbing tape, they are installed in my laundry room and functioning almost correctly. The printed message under the temp dial that says “all rinses are cold only” really means they are scalding hot only. I think I know how we can fix that.

– Air travel websites, for the supposed improvement of doing it yourself. Instead of calling a knowledgeable person and telling them when and where I want to travel I can now spend hours online hunting for the best connection at the best price. And American Express Delta Frequent Flyer card, how dare you revoke the companion ticket feature without telling me. Planning my revenge…

– the garden that was, the heat that is, that yard that will be. Grateful for the healing work that takes place in me when I’m outdoors. Grateful for green things, if they’re plants – not, if they’re worms.

– Face time, with friends and family who care. I am realizing that the purpose and value of life is all in the relationships I find and nurture. Realizing also that God is that friend and that family member who makes it all possible. Having less work away from home has given me more time to nurture the relationship with him and I am so grateful for that. Gives me some precious times of discovery, comfort, peace and excitement. Arlette and I took a lovely walk yesterday and talked of all these things.

Nature walk with my friends Arlette and God.

My friend Arlette (and maybe God too, on her left)

I Just Have to Say…

and I'm sayin' it here.

Category: Family

Pact with my Children

Another Seattle Adventure

Good Times and Bad Times in the Air

For Gwendolyn with no middle name… on Mother’s Day

A to Z Family Stories: E for Every Easter

By the light of the moon…

Today’s Marvels

Forty-Two

Where did the time go?

Beep, beep, boop?

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