Every hard day I go through becomes a part of me. I think back on the recent hours of physical pain and ask myself what is different about me now?
I am much more aware of my mortality. Reminded of how little control I have over the complexities of this body. How little it takes to bring on a crisis. I sat and wondered how much pain it takes to make a person pass out, not able to take any more. I thought of others who endure more pain over longer periods of time, in prison perhaps with no care at all to help them. But I thought more about my own pain and what I might possibly do to lessen it, make it go away. I mean, how could there not be anything?
I made some promises to my body. I realize pain is a message of sorts that my body gives me to tell me valuable things. I need to listen better. I need to keep times of pain in mind when I choose activities, work, play, eating. I haven’t been totally negligent all these years but I do wish that the awareness I have now in my 60’s had been with me in my 20’s and 30’s. I could have been listening back then too.
I have reviewed what I know about God’s view of my life and my pain. I know by now that I can’t expect the laws of the universe to be superceded to produce miracles for me. I believe that happens but I don’t understand why sometimes and not others. I know Jesus’ heart in the matter because he healed everyone who came to him. I think he has that same compassion for me. Sometimes my prayers for relief are answered quickly, other times not so quickly. When the answer has been “no” I can usually see that there is benefit for me. I know that my spiritual healing is the most important thing to God and the answer to that has never been “no”.
I have friends. When they know that I have a need, love is poured out so generously. I feel God is in that. It’s part of that body metaphor where other parts feel the pain when one part hurts. I was encouraged and blessed and I’m told lots of good brain chemicals are released in that. What a wonderful built-in response to love.
I learned that the husband can make really good sandwiches, and he is attentive and caring. I knew that before but it’s kind of rare that I need this kind of attention so I forget. He gave up most of his day carting me around to medical care and waiting, waiting…. going for my prescriptions, making me comfortable.
I learned once again how wonderful it is when pain stops. What relief. What rest. A new and joyful appreciation of pain free moments is mine. I’m flooded with gratitude – more good brain chemicals.
One more part of my body taking on a troublesome behavior could cause a bit of dread, fear, uncertainty. But today I was reminded in Proverbs 1:33 that listening to the Lord’s wisdom promises me that I will live in safety, be at ease and not have to dread disaster. Disaster might come, but I don’t have to dread it. My days are numbered by the Lord, not by circumstances of accident or disease. And thinking back, I wasn’t afraid. But gosh, the pain was awful.
And so it becomes part of my past and part of me. I’ve seen pain make some people more beautiful. Isn’t that kind of an exciting concept – that you can do something with pain and use it? That I might become more beautiful, even stronger, in character is growth. I love that kind of growth!
I don’t wish hard days on anyone but I’m just sayin’, if you have one, it can be valuable.