They were walking together, away from me, toward their car. They were talking as they went, and he put his arm around her shoulder and leaned in a bit. They laughed.

Sitting at the restaurant, they were talking again with some affectionate teasing in progress. There was a moment of silence as they looked at each other, and then they leaned toward each other for a quick kiss.

Those are the kind of moments I miss. I have to admit that it’s not only since my husband has died that I miss those kinds of interactions. I knew my husband loved me but those particular gestures were not his style. He blessed me in other ways, and to be fair, I probably never gave him a clear ask for the things I missed.

Now that there is no one to ask, I’m more aware of my desire to be on a team with someone who loves me. I love teamwork. I enjoy being valued for my contributions. I want to be loved and enjoyed just because I’m on the team, being myself, contributing or not.

In this phase of my life, I’m paying more attention to what my chosen belief system says about being alone, as a widow. The references to widowhood in my instruction manual jump out at me. I underline them and do serious thinking about them.

“A father of the fatherless and a judge and protector of the widows, is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely…”

“But he will establish and protect the boundaries of the widow.”

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

My question is, how would someone of the spirit world put his arm around someone of the mortal world? How would that look? How should someone in the mortal world look at someone in the spirit world and then offer a kiss? How is it possible to have that kind of relationship with someone you can’t physically see, hear or touch? Can it possibly be as satisfying as a physical relationship? Could it be more satisfying?

I am in a relationship with God. Unlike the way I did it with my husband, I’m clearly asking Him for those signs – that arm around the shoulder, those inside jokes, the teamwork kiss. My goal going forward, is to notice how he responds. I want to be part of the team and learn how to love him back.

THE ARM AROUND MY SHOULDER

This week I needed to finish up my yearly car registration. It was complicated by needing to change my license plate from light truck to passenger car. I had tried to do it online the year before but couldn’t find the path to doing it and ran out of time. This year I had an online form filled out, ready to mail in, but was troubled by being required to send the title to my car out, with the form, to some government office where it would probably sit for weeks.

On a whim, I decided to stop in to the local DMV to ask if this was normal procedure. It was a Monday when that office is usually swamped, with long lines, and grumpy people waiting their turn. As I drove up, I saw no cars in the parking lot and was about to leave thinking they were closed. There was no notice on the door and it was open. I walked in and, for the first time in my life for any DMV I’ve ever visited, there was no one else in the office other than two clerks behind the counter, waiting for me.

I explained my situation and the lady kindly told me that she would be able to solve that for me right there. Both of the clerks worked through the process together and in 10 minutes I walked out with a new license plate and registration paid through January 2025. It’s a license plate I have already been able to memorize because it has my age in it. How sweet.

It’s time to lean in. Just sayin’…