Tag: letter I

A to Z Challenge: Ike

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What do you do when a trusted friend suddenly disappears? That’s what Ike and I were wondering as we sat in the feed room looking at each other. That was also the day I decided that if I were to go missing, I would want Ike looking for me.

I was a relative newcomer to Ike’s territory, a Yankee, he called me. He had taken my daughter on as a project when she decided to bring a horse into her life and had nowhere to keep it. He graciously provided the trailer to get it to Florida and a pasture when it got there. We had become good friends since then and I liked hanging around the stable. It seemed like Ike knew most everyone in town, and particularly, everyone connected with horses.

Although he had a “house”, loosely defined, he preferred to hatch his best morning plans in the feed room next to his coffee pot and a collection of mugs. I was always wary of using those mugs, but I’d never heard of anyone dying out there. Likely no germs could survive the strong coffee he put in them.

He had been thinking over the absence of his best hired hand, Juan, since earlier when he had come out to help feed the horses and found Juan wasn’t there. He had already done some calling around to friends. No one had seen the man.

“Let’s get in the truck and check the highway. Maybe he’s broke down and had to leave his van on the side of the road somewhere. He was going to the store last night.”

The old, red diesel truck, a dually, wasn’t my favorite ride but it was his favorite, so we went. It was alarming that he kept checking the ditches, not just for a vehicle, but for a person.

“You don’t think he could have been mugged and left for dead, do you?””

“Doesn’t hurt to check. He did carry a bit of money with him sometimes.”

We traveled the highway to the store and a few other likely places but didn’t find the van, or any bodies, thankfully.

Back in the feed room, Ike got on the phone calling the local hospitals to see if the missing hired hand might have been admitted, but that didn’t turn up anything either. We couldn’t decide what to do next. Juan wasn’t a drinker, a drug user or a rowdy so it didn’t occur to us that he would have gotten in trouble with the law. From what we knew, Juan was in Florida on a student visa and had no family or friends close by. If we couldn’t find him, who could? We were stumped.

Ike wasn’t going to give up though. That’s always been one of the things I like about him. There’s just not much he won’t do for you if you’re his friend.

Several days went by, and then, “I found him. He’s in jail up at Port Manatee! Let’s go see what we can find out.”

Although he was an old timer himself, Ike was well aware that the “good ol’ boys” weren’t necessarily all good. What we were about to find out was surprising to say the least.

(Continued tomorrow with the letter J, for Juan)

Inquire: Building Relationships

Shirleyjdietz3 Comments

I love questions. Good questions. In the interest of building relationships, I am trying to learn to quit talking and ask good questions of people.

I’ve had some mentors along this line, like cousin Ruth. She comes armed to all family gatherings with a list of things she would be interested in knowing about us, and she inquires. We can count on her to get conversation going, and not just about superficial topics. I feel honored when she makes sure I get a chance to think on and answer her questions. She listens, maybe asks more questions, and she remembers. Ruth has built relationships with many of us based on wanting to know, inquiring and listening. How rare.

Sometimes I go from year to year, in my relationships with my adult children, thinking that I know them already. After all, I lived with them from their birth and was around when they became themselves. Who should know them better? But no. They have now lived more years apart from me than with me, and nobody, nobody tells Mommy everything. My history with my children does give me some advantage, but I realize that I don’t know everything about them, and some good, respectful questions can add to our relationship.

“What is one thing about yourself, that you wouldn’t mind telling me, that you’re pretty sure I don’t know?” I consider asking this question, and almost feel like it takes a bit of courage to ask it. It’s then I realize that my children are their own persons, not a known extension of me or my own thinking. I might be surprised by their answer, and that’s okay.

You would not believe some of the questions in this book. They were very thorough! Bravery required.

My relationship with my own mother has deepened through inquiry – not my own but that of a “do-it-yourself memoir”. She doesn’t like to write, so I write down her answers for her in this small, hard bound book. They aren’t all relevant questions but the ones she does answer provide details about her life and who she is that I would not have discovered any other way. Lots of our history and even our thoughts and philosophies, don’t come out in common, everyday living. I get a more complete picture of who Mom is through questions.

Actually, inquiry, is at the heart of most of my in-person visits to my children. I hope when I come that they feel my desire to know them better. I want to see with my own eyes what life is like for them, how they respond to the people in their lives, their work, their pressures, their joys and sorrows. I don’t want to “snoop”, I want to see what they don’t mind showing me, for the purpose of loving, supporting and building relationship.

Can you think of a really interesting, respectful question that you would like to ask in a relationship building encounter? Share it please!

I have to add this. I listen to a lot of podcasts and interviews and one of my pet peeves is the phrase “that is such a good question” given after every question, whether it is a good one or not. Just answer the question, okay? We’ll decide if it was good.

A to Z: Selling Our House (Letter I)

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I for Inspection

There is often a misconception that homeowners know all about their houses and that buyers will be told everything they need to know to decide on the purchase. What often happens is that a buyer who is applying for a loan will be required to have the house inspected by a certified professional. The lending agency wants to make sure it’s a good purchase. The careful buyer can request an inspection on their own as well, and it’s a good idea especially if the house is aged.

Lastly, the seller can decide to ask for an inspection if they want to ensure a quick sale that won’t be held up by needed repairs. Since it is optional in many cases, and is an extra expense, many sellers sell their homes “as is” and wait for a buyer who doesn’t mind finding things out on their own. I’ve heard sad stories of people buying houses and finding out the foundation is cracked, or the roof leaks, or the plumbing or electric is outdated and dangerous. A certified inspector should be able to discover these faults and give the buyer a chance to address them in the contract – if they still like the house enough to buy it.

Because we want this sale to go as seamlessly as possible, our realtor thought it would be a good idea to get an inspection. Mr. Owens was the recommended specialist. He gave me a prompt proposal for the two houses and came out the same week. He is a building contractor himself and has years of experience. His son, also experienced, took one of our houses and he took the other. A few days later I was emailed a report with the findings. The report has detailed pictures of their findings and a written summary of their recommendations. It’s very helpful.

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Yes, olive green tile from the 70’s. Today the plumber replaced the sink stopper. Cross that one off. See how easy this report is to follow?

Of course, we are living in our house right now without much notice of the faults that were called out. Most of them were not serious. The rental house is a little more problematic, but now we know and can fix it up. Having that list gives us direction and a way to measure our progress. At the end there will be a few things that we have chosen not to fix, which is always our prerogative. Since we do know our house much better after the report we can be sure we are making the sale with full disclosure. That feels like peace of mind to me.

I’m glad we had the inspection.

How would an inspection of  your house, right now, make you feel? Nervous? Confident?