I think that’s what we all would like to do – make peace with our questions. Our little questions like “what should I do today?” and our big questions like “what am I supposed to do with my life?”  I have most of this day off still ahead of me and quite a list of things I wish would be accomplished at the end of it. Which things on that list will bring the most peace? Personally, I don’t know that I would make the right choices – I just don’t know enough. There are so many things going on already in nature, in the world, in the lives of my family and friends and many of these things are so complicated I can’t begin to understand them. And yet there is this amazing sense of order underlying it all that gives me confidence in someone who created it all and keeps it going. Outside my window is a beautiful, living plant with outrageous red coloring in its leaves and as the spray from the irrigation hits it, beautiful large drops of clear water pool and drip from the leaf tips – this kind of miracle that existed before any of us were around was invented by a God who cares.

So someone knows what would be the best thing for me to do today and in my brief span of time living on earth, and I see evidence that he’s willing to give me direction. I know things may look a little uncertain and chaotic at times – nature shows me that too – but I eventually have to trust myself or someone clearly smarter than myself. Easy choice. How we ever come to think that we are smarter than whoever created our ability to think is hard to understand.

One of my questions is this: how do people who are very busy, very much in demand, very involved in passionate causes of all kinds, find time to write? Like big government and political people who suddenly come out with a biography or autobiography or a novel – when did they sit down and put in the hours of writing that it takes to produce a book? How do they decide to attach such importance to their writing that it trumps all the other stuff they need to do?

As I looked at my aging self in the mirror last night, I considered how many years I might reasonably have to make sense of all the journals and letters of my life. There’s supposed to be a book in there somewhere that I’m going to write “someday”. Suddenly, there’s not all that much time left, maybe 20 years at best, possibly much less. I should get at it with a sense of urgency if I believe it’s worth doing. I need to ask God for some clarity in the purposefulness of the project. I sense purpose but I don’t know how to express it in words yet.

I’m going out to work in the One Acre Woods for a while, to let my thoughts cook while my hands work. How thankful I am for my gardens.

I am used to having an inner compass – one that allows me to get around in a new place after a minimum of introspection, orientation and driving around. Maps not necessarily needed. But in Seattle I don’t really know where I am except when I’m in the living room…  So many places look alike. There are a million or so hills covered with buildings that slope down to some water and a lot of boats. There are always islands in the water and mountains on the other side of wherever you are. It’s confusing. I’ve actually taken the interstate highway the opposite of my desired direction for about 20 miles before realizing it was north instead of south. It makes me realize that I live in the right place (Florida) for me. The beach is always on one side of the interstate and the interior is always on the other. All the interstates go north or south, none of this four direction stuff. I am spoiled.
Today we went to Discovery Park and walked. We’ve walked in a different park every day, all interesting places with beautiful old growth forests, water flowing, people jogging with their dogs. It’s been sunny every day and the temps have been mild and if you know Seattle, you know you don’t often get four days in a row of this kind of weather. This is my last day here so maybe it will rain tomorrow – I think I saw it in the forecast.
We have also visited the Ballard market and eaten at a couple nice restaurants. Our evenings have been at home where Es and Jonathan have introduced me to Downton Abbey, a British tv series. In the midst of all these comings and goings we have talked and become reaquainted. It’s been a couple years of limited communication and I knew I needed this.  So many things have changed in their lives and I think if I had waited too much longer they might not have seemed like the same people at all.  Part of being family is the struggle to keep that from happening. Just like with geography, it’s important to know the direction different parts of your family are going in their llives in order to feel oriented in your own world. My connection with my family is kind of like my compass – it tells me which direction to face, what to focus on, where the ground is, where the sky starts, all that stuff.  I’m not saying I can see very far ahead on the road but that’s not really what the purpose of my trip out here was. It was just to see more clearly what the road looked like that we were on, and I feel satisfied I’ve been able to do that.