I love writing. It’s like talking to people, except I don’t have to find someone who has time to listen to me. Much easier. I enjoy being a blogger.
Last winter and spring, my writing path led me to join a community of writers for encouragement, support, direction, all that good stuff. I had no clarity about what might be next. I wasn’t sure being a personal blogger was the endpoint for me. It sounded like hope*writers could help me sort that out. I got pretty excited about moving ahead – enough that I made a commitment to attend a conference. I actually bought the ticket and made a hotel reservation months in advance. Did I do this just to make sure I would go? Not consciously.
And then life happened. Summer took some unusual turns. For weeks my husband struggled with his diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia. The anxieties and fears he battled had us moving from place to place. I didn’t stop blogging, but I did stop listening to the podcasts, doing the writing exercises, connecting with my support group. There wasn’t a lot of time for that and, honestly, I just lost heart. It’s been hard.
As summer faded off, I found I was having a lot of pain in my hands, especially the left thumb joint. Arthritis had been coming at me for a while, but now it was time to stop living with the pain and regain use of my hand. I had surgery a week ago and have at least six weeks of recovery, in a cast, before I can start therapy.
Back to the writing conference, which is now only two weeks away. The deadline for selling my ticket to someone else has passed. I’m now contemplating whether it is even possible for me to get to Charlotte, NC to attend. The expense of travel, my impaired condition, my husband’s need for help, all seem like hurdles, like roadblocks. Will it be worth the effort to make this happen? I don’t know. It’s not like me to throw away an expensive ticket for an event I was once pretty excited about.
So, my hand is starting to hurt again as I peck away with two fingers on my computer. I’m feeling a little teary, but I know I have to write in order to think things through. That’s what writing does for me, and that’s why I love to write. Does anyone out there understand this?
I Just Have to Say... 
Yes. I love writing but my body often gets in the way. Arthritis and carpel tunnel are horrid.
I am sad that you are struggling with this and with your role as caregiver. My prayers are with you this morning for a good day.
Oh my! I do understand. I think you are carrying a very heavy load due to your husband’s diagnosis. I cared for my mom through her last years of life. She had vascular dementia – which over time seemed to eat into my sense of “me” as a person – unavoidable because she needed so much of my time. My blog became a life saver – writing helped me hold onto who I was so when the caregiving years passed I would not have lost my sense of “me.” I am now almost 5 years out from that caregiving experience. Hold onto your blog as best you can. But keep focused on what is really important right now – maybe that is your husband if you can’t find someone to cover you for this trip. With my mom, I always balanced my own desires against my strong desire to avoid regret when my caregiving years were over. I knew I had only this short window to give my all to my mom – and I wanted to be able to look back on those years without regret. Those caregiving years sapped my strength and my health – but regret was avoided. You will find your own way through this challenge. Prayers for you and your spouse.
I so appreciate you sharing that with me. Wise words. Thank you!
I’m all in, Shirley. Writing is my best therapist and she is always right.
I am so sorry you are feeling that you cannot go to the conference. I am wondering if you could skype in? Be present virtually. You already paid and if they cannot refund, perhaps they can do this kindness. If the conference people don’t do it, perhaps a fellow attendee may be able to face time you in? Also, have you tried the dictation application – voice to text feature to write. It’s not perfect, but gets the job done. I ramble on, then go back to edit and rearrange.Again, not perfect but can relieve your hand a bit.
You will get better. Believe it.
Praying for you my dear cousin that clarity of mind and direction will fill your heart and mind.. Love you..Lorie
Keeping you in prayer that your help would come quickly (we know from where our help comes). It would be wonderful for you to go to the conference. I hope that there is a way and the dear husband will have help while you’re there. Love in Christ.