Assisted Living 101

Our family is having a new experience this winter – I call it a learning experience because I’ve been made to see that we approached it with some bias, some presumptions that need to be adjusted. Although mom is the central figure in this experience, we are all involved and affected. Over Thanksgiving we had discussions with Mom and each other.  It is a blessing to have a close family that wants to work together and communicate.

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With Mom up in the cold north (Wisconsin). We’ll get this assisted living thing figured out…

My personal bias was the idea that someday, when Mom needed help, I would be her primary caretaker. I enjoy my mother and the idea of living with her has never been hard to bear. I have looked forward to that time.  However, there were many details about “that time” that were not defined or even thought about.

How will we know when “that time” comes? Who decides? Is it based on physical need? Financial need? Emotional need? Safety need? Where will “that time” take place? What if “that time” comes when it’s inconvenient?

All of these questions and more came into play this last year. It was a shock to me when my forward- thinking brother and my mom announced that they had put her name on the list for an assisted living apartment. She had already told me that she didn’t want to winter with my husband and I in sunny Florida. Travel wasn’t easy for her and she didn’t have many friends of her own there. She felt isolated and in the way. But assisted living?! She had a small but very comfortable condo in a safe community near my brother and his family. She had lived alone there for the two years since Dad had died. What was going on?

Mom had gotten on the list along with lots of others because there was a shortage of apartments in the facility of choice. It was a “just in case” move so she wouldn’t find herself in need in the future. I wasn’t the only one who balked at this idea. Other family members were concerned and even voiced the common sentiment “once you go to a nursing home, it’s all downhill from there”. Fortunately, nothing happened quickly.  I think it was by God’s design that we were given several months to process this idea.

Our first lesson was learning the meaning of assisted living. The term has been around for a number of years but even with my background in nursing, I had not paid much attention to it. I did not know how common these facilities had become and the variety of levels of assistance available. The facility Mom is interested in is connected to a hospital, but really consists of apartments, fully equipped, like any apartment building. They are small but very nice. Residents move in with their own furnishings and come and go as they please. Mom can bring her own car if she wants to.

As some of this information comes my way I want to share it with my family and with others who are also considering assisted living for themselves or those they love. Since Mom is moving this coming Friday, I will be posting over the next few days in hopes that following her journey will help others understand and feel informed about assisted living.

Click here to see photos of the assisted living facility where Mom is moving. Water’s Edge Senior Living

3 thoughts on “Assisted Living 101

  1. From your description and the photos, it seems similar to the facility my two aunt moved into in Racine. I don’t remember the name of the place, but it had two levels of assistance. The first was like apartment living with on-call, as needed assistance, and the second supervised medical needs on a daily basis. The amenities impressed me when I visited, especially the formal or casual dining options, daily activities residents could participate in, including a group exercise regimen, and scheduled field trips, both for entertainment and shopping. Not bad at all.

    • This is the trend as the role of family lessens in elder care. Elderly who have been independent all their lives don’t really want to go live with their children so the demand increases for this kind of assistance (If it can be afforded).

  2. Shirley, thanks for sharing information about your mom’s move. It will be a new experience for all of you.
    Visiting people will be something I imagine she will relish being the warm friendly person she is.
    I am excited for her.
    Love ❤️ cuz barb

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