It is the weekend. I am waiting to be refreshed because that is what weekends are supposed to do, right? I am unusually tired and it may be more mental/emotional than physical. I have been watching people go through stressful things this week and I tend to vicariously feel their pain. Underlying it all is my own need to make a decision about my own needs for freedom, work, family time and retirement. I don’t even know if I should use the word “retirement” because I’m probably looking at a change rather than retiring from anything.
I welcome change – well, at least the kinds of change I’m imagining. I dream about relocating phsically. Sometimes I picture myself living in Wisconsin near my parents, having coffee and taking walks with my mom in the mornings. Dad and I take rides in the country and talk about the history of different properties and buildings. In the afternoon I sit with my computer and work on writing my book.
Or I think about moving to north Florida and being vetma (my term for mother of a veterinarian). I ride in the truck with Julie when she needs help and substitute in the office when the secretary is gone. I pull weeds in Julie’s garden and have supper ready when she comes home after a long day. I write my book.
Or I visit Esther and Jonathan, find an apartment, visit coffee shops and Schmidt Park and play with my granddogs. Esther and I discuss what we’re reading and writing and I write my book.
Or I move to Cambodia where Dennis and I live on practically nothing in a second story apartment with beautiful tile floors and a balcony. I ride in tuk-tuks, or maybe a moto. I have 44 orphan grandchildren who I visit regularly, helping them with their English and writing about their amazing lives. Book material for sure.
Or we move to North Carolina where we know no one and have no plan, no obligations. I write my book.
It’s true, there is a theme here. I guess it’s all about beginning, about finding the time to begin. Can I find the time to begin something in my present circumstances? The trouble with this train of thought is that it is addictive. It compounds itself and grows in intensity. I actually have to pray for an attitude that allows me to go happily to work every day, to not be tired, to not be gloomy. So while I wait for this good attitude to kick in I am studying what it would take to be able to afford this change. I have conferred with a financial advisior and am studying up on social security. I’m investigating jobs that would afford more flexibility. I’m just saying that the answer will come and likely soon… just sayin’.