Tag: relationship crisis

We Weren’t Good at That

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A continued story…

My Kevin doesn’t “fly off the handle”, and that’s a good thing to know. After our uncomfortable evening driving home in separate cars, he texted me good night as usual. He asked me over for Sunday dinner, which is also a routine we have. But I knew he was thinking things over. 

On Sunday, we had a serious conversation in which he told me he did not feel “equal” to me. When it came to spirituality and faith, he said he probably wouldn’t ever be. I must have mentioned being “unequally yoked” as being one of my concerns at some time. He was getting the point that my faith was the highest priority in my life. He wanted to be honest about how intimidating that felt to him.

I went home in a very somber mood. I decided I couldn’t keep seeing him. I wrote him a letter of explanation, in case I had trouble telling him in person. I asked him to come over the next day. I could tell that he anticipated what I was going to say.

At this point in our relationship we had been dating for nine months. I had so many reasons to love this guy! We had hiked all spring and summer, and helped each other with projects. We had shared dozens of meals, and talked for countless hours. We were going to make Thanksgiving dinner together for our families. We had future plans. We had verbally acknowledged that we liked each other a lot. It was incredibly difficult to give all this up and I cried as I told him my decision. He listened quietly, even patted my hand and told me he knew it was hard. I thought he had come to the same conclusion all by himself. We said goodbye, and he left. 

It turns out that we weren’t very good at breaking up. I became aware of how much I missed him almost from the start. I knew how happy I had been lately, and how sad I was going to be. It was a relief when we started finding small ways to check on each other. I began to hope we would still be friends. It took us a little over a week. By Thanksgiving evening, while talking on the phone, we agreed that what we had done wasn’t working at all. We were done with the misery, because we could be. It wasn’t a hard decision.

Are we “unequally yoked” in our faith? Even more than me, Kevin has always thought that it was more than chance that we met. He does have faith that God can plan relationships between people for their good. We have talked about how God has shown up for us at different times in our lives. My upbringing has blessed me with more biblical literacy than his, but that is not what faith is about. There were a lot of biblical literate people around in Jesus’ day too. Jesus preferred fishermen who had faith in Him. 

In our case, I believe Kevin and I have differences. But it would be foolish to think that God is done with either one of us. I hadn’t asked God for another love relationship and hadn’t expected one. I know I could go without one if that’s what God wanted for me. So, Kevin coming along has been a real surprise to me, at times a little scary. I’ve prayed about it from the start.  I also feel a somewhat miraculous plan behind what we have. God started something, and unless He stops it, I’m in it. I believe that God is actively planning my future, and Kevin’s part in it. I know it’s going to be interesting to see what He does with our differences. 

There will be more about my man, Kevin. I have so many stories…

Traveling Together

Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

Here I am again, and it’s only been four months since I last wrote. I think about doing it a lot but I have the habit of doing other things instead. In the business of recording my life, I’m uncomfortable with these large gaps. Winter of 2026 is a good time to catch up. Being home recovering from Norovirus gives me more than the usual time to do it. 

It seems that my life, lately, has centered around three main issues; my man, my book, my family. I will start with my man, Kevin. I had heard that you can learn a lot about a person by traveling with them. That is why I had invited Kevin to join me in North Carolina. I have to say that this trip did not disappoint.

On our hike in Clifty State Park, Madison IN, with the Ohio river in the background.

We did well while staying with Julie. We did well traveling in the car to Indiana. Everyone has their own style of travel and we matched pretty well. I was excited to show Kevin my cousin’s beautiful hotel on the Ohio river (Fairfield Inn, Madison IN). I had booked a room there for him, while I stayed at Marlene’s house. We spent an extra day there and took an eventful hike at Clifty State Park. I could write a whole story on that hike, but not now. 

The last day of the trip was to the Wisconsin airport where he had left his truck. Toward the end of this time, we talked about our relationship. One or the other of us will often put the invitation out there – “what are you thinking?” It’s one of the things I admire about Kevin. He actually has reflected on our relationship and will talk about what he thinks. 

I had some questions about intimacy, partly because doing a trip together has a definite feeling of intimacy. Even aside from sexuality, there’s all that time in the car, learning each other’s tolerance for bathroom stops and hunger needs, what to listen to on the radio… it’s a lot. But we hadn’t really talked about the sexual aspects. We hadn’t shared a room, or a bed and I had sensed there was tension surrounding that. 

Kevin and I come from somewhat different cultures. The bottom line in my upbringing is no sex outside of the marriage covenant. In his, marriage is important, but not as necessary if there is commitment expressed. I think what I asked him was, “Are you just waiting, and expecting that I will soon change my beliefs about marriage and sleep with you?” He thought for a moment and answered “yes”. 

Looking back, I think he heard the “are you waiting” part, and of course he was waiting. I was concerned about the “are you waiting for me to change” part, and that was not going to happen. I also added that if a sexual relationship was his primary goal, he should probably go find someone else to pursue it with, asap. My hurt was that he apparently did not respect my faith held views on a Godly marriage. His hurt was that I would so easily reject him. 

And so began our first real crisis. It didn’t feel like an argument, really. It felt more like an ultimatum.There was no shouting or other meanness, but things did get really quiet. Fortunately we were at the airport. We finished the last hour of our trip in separate cars trying to process what had just happened. It was only the beginning of what we would learn.