Running Out Ahead

The husband keeps repenting of “running out ahead” of God. He is a problem solver and problems drive him crazy – it always seems to him that because he is aware of the problem, it is his to solve. He is not comfortable waiting for God. It’s usually in retrospect that he realizes his “running ahead”.

I am not saying that I condone inaction, waiting on everything because one is too lazy to address issues. That drives me crazy. When a problem is there to be solved, I am willing to pray about it and do whatever comes to mind in a reasonable fashion. Do something, do one thing and see what happens next…

Lately, almost daily, new problems are coming up on Dennis’s radar. He thinks about them obsessively. When there isn’t an actual problem, he thinks of a possible problem. He comes to me three or four times in the space of an hour, with more to say about the developing structure of the problem. It grows, takes shape in his mind and is often described as a dangerous situation, not just to him but to others as well. He must figure out what to do and intervene. He must convince others that action is required because he is not physically capable of doing what is needed by himself. What a dilemma. His world has a lot of anxiety in it.

The basement where his stuff is stored is likely going to flood because there are springs on the property.

The coming trip back home is dreaded because something in the truck is messing with his eyesight and making him sleepy. His wife will fall asleep and there will be an accident.

He hasn’t heard that the AC in his daughter’s house has been serviced in the two years she’s lived here. Danger, danger…

He might run out of vitamins, or pineapple on the trip home and his whole health regimen will go down the tubes.

There must be a reason he’s had the word “Fabian” given (by God) to him to investigate. Who is Fabian Farrington and how can he discover why he needs to know?

How can he keep from being further brain damaged while his wife is using the hotspot to access the internet?

How can he convince the code officials of the need to reverse their thinking about grounding rods in duplexes? People’s lives are at stake.

Who wouldn’t be anxious? It seems to me that the challenge is to be aware of possible problems AND aware that someone more capable than one’s self is working out the solution. Trust someone else. Trust God. Learn to wait without stressing out. Like the sign I saw yesterday in the barn I was in – ” Remember stressed, spelled backward, is dessert”. Yes it is, just sayin’…

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

Restless, Unsettled and Needing to Do

Only one more hour to go, and one cup of coffee...
Only one more hour to go, and one cup of coffee…

Sometimes when a problem is “out there”, waiting to be solved and yet I do not know how to solve it, perhaps it is not even my problem to solve, I get so restless I can hardly think of anything else. Even when I’ve done whatever I can and resolve to wait patiently, it doesn’t work.  I keep thinking and wanting action.

Such was the case this week.  Dr. Julia’s vet truck was acting up again and being very unreliable.  There has been a lot of discussion about replacing it so she can work without getting stranded, having to borrow a vehicle.  This time there was a decision made to swap the offending truck with the husband’s newer and bigger truck.  And once all the involved parties were in agreement I wanted to get it done.  I was barely able to hold back today while I cleaned the husband’s things out and washed his truck.  I took it to get seat covers (what idiot decided white was a good color for the upholstery in a truck?!).  I got the tires checked and the warning lights reset.  I filled the windshield washer fluid to the full line. I vacuumed and sorted out all the loose change, napkins and register receipts from numerous fast food places (evidently they serve heart healthy items that are on his diet. Yeah….)

And then it seemed I was ready.

I didn’t want to  wait until tomorrow.

I decided to make the trip right away and it surprised me that I could not wait..

Whereas I am often very patient, I am not at all that way in this kind of situation.  I feel impulsive and a bit out of control. Maybe it’s because I am still a parent and want very much to help even though my adult child is very capable of handling this situation herself.

So, four hours later, I am in Jacksonville having made the trip safely with the help of a MacDonald’s coffee stop.   I’m hoping to be able to rest now because there will be a lot to do tomorrow.  As usual, just sayin’…