The Voice of Condemnation

January 9, 2015January 9, 2015 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Condemn: to express strong disapproval of, to show or declare guilt, to declare unfit for use.

Every now and then the voice of condemnation makes a bid for prominence in my day, my thoughts and feelings. It’s often when I hear the story of a famous, influential person who has accomplished a lot, or when I hear a tribute to someone who used their talent in an extraordinary way and influenced many lives for better. I am tempted to look at my very small circle of influence and compare. The voice points out the ways in which I have not been courageous, or diligent, or faithful, or willing to be involved.

Yesterday I entered the doctor’s waiting room, signed in and took a seat. There was a late 20’s aged girl totally absorbed in telling her life story to an elderly couple. She recounted her home life, her dysfunctional relationship with her father, mother and brother, and the situation she was presently involved in. There were many complaints, tales of poor decisions (blamed on others, of course) and all voiced loudly enough that I had a hard time concentrating on the book I was trying to read. I was wishing not to hear her after five minutes, but after fifteen minutes I was actually considering going outside to escape and asking the desk to call me when it was my turn to go back. The elderly couple was called back and she no longer had an audience, which clearly upset her. She changed chairs and started making comments to herself about how sick she was. She got up and kicked a book off the chair next to her, sat down on that chair, and mentioned out loud how she was not going to pick up the book because she was too sick. I was SO grateful to be called about then and spared having to get into a conversation with her. She had “needy” written all over her and I didn’t want to deal with it.

You see, I am very aware of the miraculous ways in which God is walking into people’s lives and changing their course, and yet I am not always willing to get involved. The truth is that when I have been involved in situations similar to that, they have not turned out well. Over time I have seen that I am ineffective when it comes to counseling, reasoning with people to enlighten them, thinking of what to say to help them. I am not able to change hearts, and much of the time I can’t even figure out what their need is and how to approach them. Here’s where the voice of condemnation would like to finish me off. It would like me to think that I was responsible, and that it is now over, too late. The voice repeats “It’s about you, and your failure.”

I have been convicted of my part and in response I am asking for crazy boldness, extra resourcefulness, time at the right time, and discernment. I know God can teach me these things. I know he forgives me for falling short. If I hear a condemning voice, it is not his and I had better ask who that voice belongs to. It is never too late for God to show what he can do, in fact the later it seems, the more awesome he proves himself to be.

“so, there is now no condemnation…” The Bible, Romans 8:1

Guess what? It is not about me (or any of us). The whole story is about God and what he has done, is doing and will do yet. It is not over, not too late. It’s in progress and we are part of it, a special part, but it is not about us. That is pretty good news, just sayin’…

No Fun Today

January 4, 2015 Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

I typed that and realized immediately that it wasn’t true. I am quite sick today but in spite of it, there is fun to be had in resting, reading, doing quiet things that never get done while I’m able to work. I’m having fun being sick, who would have thought…

Before anyone gets envious let me say that it’s difficult to concentrate when my head hurts, throat hurts, chest rattles with every breath and the aches and pains of fever make me feel weak. This feels more like pneumonia than anything I’ve ever had before and it came on very fast. Most likely I will recover but just in case, I want to say that it is very freeing to realize that things go on without me. I know some people feel like they cannot take a day off when they are sick, or for any other reason, because they are indispensable. Well, nobody is indispensable. I’m glad I’m not. I stayed home from everything today and plan the same for tomorrow. Nobody wants to be exposed to what I’ve got. Staying home when one is sick is a way to show love to others.

In between naps I’m getting some reading done, catching up on my blog reader, cleaning out my inbox, and thinking. How glad I am that I am here in my own bedroom rather than in Cambodia like I was last year when I got sick. How strange that it has happened two years in a row after many years of not being ill. Hmm…

I’m especially thinking how God uses sickness in my life to remind me that I am not in control, to increase my compassion for others, to get me quiet and listening, I’m not afraid of being sick, whether it leads to recovery or not. I love being here on earth, but I would also love not being here. Thinking about dying is not a fearful thing, and I thank God for that. As I get older my most common thought about dying is wondering how it will happen. Accident? Cancer? Pneumonia? I have preferences but they are between me and God, and I doubt I’ll get to choose. I think it’s very wise of him not to let me know ahead of time.

This is kind of a stupid post and I’m not terribly proud of it, but having this much time on my hands I had to write something, and these truly are the things I think about while being sick.. Just sayin’…

New Year’s Rituals

December 31, 2014 Shirleyjdietz1 Comment

I don’t have many plans for midnight tonight. In fact, I will probably be sleeping at work if my client has no inclination to stay up and watch TV. Even looking at pictures of Times Square in NYC on TV gives me a severe case of claustrophobia – no way would I want to be there on New Year’s Eve.

But I do have one ritual for the New Year to which I have been pretty faithful. Every year I get a new calendar book and during the first week of January I like to go through it and transfer all my important dates and addresses. I like to page through the old one and notice what I wrote, what I did or didn’t do. Even the weeks when I wrote nothing have significance because I was probably too busy to write. If I can remember why I was so busy, all the better, and I put that in. I try to find three of four really important happenings that I can transfer to my family timeline notebook. I count it as a good investment to spend one day a year remembering what life has been like. I often end up thinking “oh yeah, that was such a fun time and I had completely forgotten about it!” Looking back helps me get more mileage out of those precious moments of the past.

Someday, all these date books full of the appointments and thoughts of my life are going to be fertile ground for a book to spring out. It might be a memoir, or something completely fictional – I haven’t figured that out yet.

This is my old datebook. It’s one of the best priced ones I have found so I ordered a new one just like it for 2015. It has a lot of useful information about the area where I live and enough room on each day to serve like a mini-diary or journal. It was sturdy enough not to get bent up or lose pages and it features a tear off corner that makes it easy to find the current page. I ordered it from www.datebook.com. They have one for most metropolitan areas.

I’ll probably be working on my datebook tonight for a while, but the bigger project will be getting ready for Jack’s football party tomorrow. That will definitely be the first priority. Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas On Call

December 29, 2014December 29, 2014 Shirleyjdietz6 Comments

The blogging world is full of posts about Christmas, lights, trees, presents, the good of it and the bad of it. None of that here. We spent the holiday with the lady horse doctor who was on call all weekend. The best decoration we saw was not red and green but was best described as ROYGBIV. It was a stormy drive up to Jacksonville and for the last hour we saw the most beautiful rainbow directly in front of us. It was the most vivid, bright rainbow I have ever seen and it just kept getting better and better. My pictures don’t do it justice but here it is…

Being on call for Dr. Julia means having to go everywhere with the vet truck and two cell phones just in case someone needs an emergency visit. She got through Christmas Eve and the next morning with no calls. Finally,during the one celebratory dinner that we were invited to, the answering service finally found out she was the designated doctor and the calls started coming. Off she went to help a suffering horse.

I say that she had to take the vet truck, but part of the challenge of the weekend was that her truck was in the shop getting wheel bearings replaced. She borrowed a truck from one of the other docs and it had to go back to him the next morning. So, for Friday morning’s calls she had to bear the indignity of driving around in “the Mary Kay car” as she calls it (no it’s not a pink Cadillac, It’s my gray Mazda with a small MK sticker in the back window…). And I got to come along. We put on a couple hundred miles driving up to the Jekyll Island area to check out a horse with a swollen eye. It was a sunny, warm day and the Georgia coast was stunning. I want to go back when I have time to stay. While I’m thinking about it, if anyone wants to help me start fund raising to get Dr. Julia a good truck that doesn’t break down every other week, let’s do it.

Sinus infections. Yes, horses get them and they have a lot of sinuses in those long heads. The next stop was to check out a horse with copious, foul smelling drainage coming out of it’s nose. Dr. Weldon and Dr. Julia got to put a camera up this horse’s nostril and rule out a tumor/lesion, after which Dr. J. punched a hole into the sinus and irrigated it. Not your average Christmas activity. Not smelling at all like pine boughs and cinnamon. It was gross.

See the little square over the sinus area where the hair has been shaved.

working the large bore needle into the sinus to drain and irrigate

looks brutal but it works (I've seen just about the same procedure done to humans) — looks brutal but it works (I’ve seen just about the same procedure done to humans)

This horse felt a lot better when she was done. Really.

The next day when her own truck was back, Dr. J graciously allowed the husband to ride with her on morning calls and he found it very interesting. His only complaint was there weren’t any stops for food and it was way past lunch by the time she brought him back. She still had to do one more barn call up in Georgia.

What a great weekend it was. I love spending time with my grown children, seeing what they do, what makes up their days. There is time to talk while we drive or fix meals together, or watch Master Chef episodes back to back. I love to help with the housecleaning and dishwashing, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch, letting the dog out or feeding the cats. It’s all good.

Sunday morning we threw our bags in the Mary Kay car and headed out into the fog toward home. Dr. J was standing at the door and there was a text on my phone, “I miss you already.” We waved and cried. And those are the things that I will remember about Christmas on call.

(Order Mary Kay from me in 2015 and help fund a vet truck for a struggling horse doctor ... just sayin'.) — (Order Mary Kay from me in 2015 and help fund a vet truck for a struggling horse doctor … just sayin’.)

The Older Generation. Party!!!

December 19, 2014August 11, 2015 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

It happened so quickly. Suddenly, I’m giving a New Year’s Day party that’s about three times bigger than I anticipated. I don’t do parties like I used to and I’m kind of wondering about myself.

For about a week I have been planning to take the New Year’s holiday shifts with my client, Jack. The other girls have taken so many extra days while I’ve been gone, including the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays so it’s fitting that I should give them a holiday off. Besides, working for Jack is hardly like working at all. I have to go beyond nursing responsibilities to things like determining what chores stress Jack out and how can I help with them? Sorting mail and helping fill out insurance forms are common tasks, as are cleaning and organizing closets, getting rid of clutter. These are all things Jack’s wife would do if she were alive. And some days that’s how I decide how to spend my time, asking “what would Carol do?”

On New Year’s day I thought Carol would probably enjoy seeing Jack watch football with a few of his friends. So I suggested that, if he felt up to it, he might invite a few people over. Jack is doing so much better these days, getting stronger and more independent, and well, he jumped at the chance. For seven months his friends have been visiting him in the hospital and doing things for him so he is eager to host them for a little fun. Jack is probably the most hospitable person I know. After retiring from the Navy he spent over 20 years arranging conventions for different associations as their hospitality expert. He loves to take people out to eat. And he and Carol used to entertain in their home quite often.

Today I explored the details of what Jack had in mind. I had already given him the bare outline of my intended menu to see what he thought of it. I asked him how many people I needed to get ready for. He started making a list. It took him a while, but finally he said twelve or thirteen. That was about ten more than I envisioned so I began conscious breath control and sat and thought a bit. He went back to the list and a few minutes later he amended the number to 19, because surely there would be some who wouldn’t be able to come.

There you have it. I’ll be throwing a party at Jack’s house for pretty much all his close friends, most of whom are over 50 and many of whom are over 75 (Jack is 81). I think it’s pretty safe to say that activities will be limited to eating safe food and watching several hours of football, early football, probably the Rose Bowl, party over at 8 pm,

I think I remember how to care for a house full of people, and I’m pretty sure I’ll have a great time seeing Jack have a great time. But this whole thing did kind of sneak up on me, and I have to say that sometimes I kind of wonder about myself…

What do you think you are going to be doing on New Year’s Day?

The Younger Generation

December 17, 2014 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Yesterday, just by chance (or maybe by design, I don’t know) a lot of children happened into my day. It’s always a blessing and I end up realizing how important it is to have people from a different age group in my life. It’s refreshing and gets me to thinking.

Three young men and their slightly older sister came to visit, along with their mom. I’m always amazed at how this young girl exists calmly and patiently between the world of her rambunctious brothers and the adults that she is beginning to identify with. And oh, how she reminds me of my own childhood with four younger brothers. Girl, I hope your mom reads this to you so you will know that I am praying for you. You will survive.

While we adults talked, the children played in the backyard (crawled through the cat door! Or rather tried to crawl through the cat door…), played with legos and generally entertained themselves quite well. I remarked on this to their mom and she talked about her method of training. When they come to her with complaints of boredom, she suggests they help her clean. Voila! Suddenly they are able to entertain themselves with something else. They often come to her for little snippets of attention which she meters out judiciously but there is none of this hanging on, whimpering, dissatisfied “when are we leaving?” stuff that could keep us ladies from talking. We had a good visit.

And earlier in the day I had an appointment with eight year old GPLL to choose some sewing patterns for herself and her American Girl doll. In the car I usually have the radio playing on a Moody talk station. Sometimes we talk when we are driving around but a lot of the time we are silent. I’m never sure if she is listening to the programming or looking at the “Where’s Waldo?” book I keep in the back seat for her. Yesterday there were some pretty gruesome news stories about the killing of school children in Pakistan, and also a description of the Christmas event as the coming of a “baby born to die”. This last remark caught her by surprise and we had to talk about it.

But my respect for the listening ears and the depth of her understanding came later. We had heard most of one of the half hour long programs and it was closing out as we turned into the parking lot and I shut off the car. I had been concentrating on driving more than listening but evidently that was not the case with my young friend. “That was a good message.” she remarked. Oh really? I should have paid more attention… Again, I’m just sayin’.

Christmas Shopping

December 16, 2014December 16, 2014 Shirleyjdietz3 Comments

Of all the possible shopping days before Christmas, I’m hoping this was the worst one, because at least it is over now. I have such a conflicting bunch of feelings about the whole subject that I almost feel ill with confusion. I’m not a big shopper at any time of the year so I guess it’s no surprise that I hate it now. In no particular order, my twelve thoughts on Christmas shopping.

1. It makes no sense to me that what was supposedly the birthday of Christ is now an occasion to shower ourselves with presents to the point that most people don’t even care whose birthday it was. When it’s your birthday who do you think should get the presents?

2. It makes no sense to me that I should buy something, anything, whether or not it’s wanted or needed, just to meet the unrealistic expectation of a present for everyone.

3. It makes no sense to me to try to gift everyone I care about all on the same day (or even in the same month), not timewise, not financially.

4. It makes no sense to me that I should shop for everyone on the same day or week that nearly everyone is shopping for everyone. Living for hours in a checkout line is not good for my health/sanity.

5. It makes no sense to me to buy gifts in July so that I can give them in December either. Why wait?

6. I remember childhood Christmases. There were many good things about them but right in the middle was the MAJOR thing – what’s in those packages and what am I gonna get? Not proud of that but, hey, I was a kid.

So about this time I’m deciding that there will be no Christmas shopping for me. I will not let marketers lure me into this insanity. And then I get these thoughts…

7. Someone gives me a gift and pretty much blows me away with their generosity. I have to thank them. I want to reciprocate in appreciation. I have no idea what to get them.

8. No matter how much someone tries not to care about presents, when everyone else is getting them, those who aren’t wonder if anyone cares about them. I want them to know I care. I have no idea what to get them.

9. Time is a worthwhile present and I want to give it to the people closest to me – but all in the same week? Across five different states? How am I going to get any shopping done? What else can I get them? I have no idea.

10. I have to get them something useful, something they will love, something that says I know them and care about them, something that doesn’t make them feel obligated to buy a gift for me, something not from the dollar store, SOMETHING THAT I DIDN’T GET THEM LAST YEAR. I have no idea what that is.

11. There is a beauty in glittering, wrapped packages with ribbon all over them. People need to have pretty stuff like that to look at. They are like flowers – here today and gone tomorrow with the after Christmas trash pick up. But they have their moment.

12. If I could find that perfect gift, it would actually be following the example of what God did when he gave us part of himself, his son. If I could give it in love it wouldn’t matter whether it was on the same day as Jesus’s real birthday. If I could give it sacrificially it would be meaningful and cherished by the recipient. But honestly, I have no idea what that perfect gift would be.

I’m not going to tell you how I handle this dilemma, but I do manage to get through the season. What are your thoughts and feelings about shopping and gifts for Christmas?

Oh Look!

December 14, 2014December 14, 2014 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

We were just walking along, talking more than looking where we were going because we were both very familiar with the street. Then my walking buddy said “oh look, this guy feeds the parrots”. She knew the guy and had been aware of his birding hobby. It had started small and grown exponentially to three feedings per day for hundreds of birds.

they are larger than most parakeets, more parrot sized.

We were only a few feet away from the bird feeder in his yard which was draped, top and all sides, with large bright green birds with black feathered heads. They were taking turns, in what seemed like family groups, coming to the feeder and then retreating to surrounding trees and electric lines. I started looking around to see other groups of the same bird in all directions until I was amazed at their numbers.

“How does he afford this? Sunflower seeds aren’t that cheap?” My friend didn’t know. I wondered if the easy food hadn’t figured into their increasing numbers. I hadn’t seen the parrots anywhere else and yet they must live somewhere when they weren’t here. How did they know to come at certain times? What made them so orderly? I walked close and took pictures and it didn’t seem to bother them.

Later the man who did the feeding rode past on his bike. He had seen me taking pictures and we already had a bond over our bird excitement. I asked him if the noise they made bothered the neighbors.

“Not as much as when the crows come and chase them away,” he laughed. Black hooded parakeets, that’s what he said they were.

I couldn’t quit thinking about how unusual it was to see that kind of animal/bird gathering, not an everyday experience for me. I could have walked past and not paid attention, but thankfully this time I noticed and enjoyed and decided to share this little gift with y’all. Just sayin’.

Black hooded parakeets having breakfast.

Pardon My Meltdown

December 12, 2014December 12, 2014 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

After the second day of trying to make something predictable happen on my computer, I finally lost it. It’s partly the fault of Windows 8, which rhymes with “hate” for some ironic reason. And, of course, it’s undoubtedly my fault too because I am an idiot who now needs a vacation in a computer-less world for at least a month. Help me.

It started with our voice over internet (VOIP) home phone having no dial tone. It progressed to my email account being unable to send messages. From there it warped into hours long conversations with the internet provider who was supposed to give more information about the problem. That didn’t happen. At one point I actually asked John (not his real name I’m thinking) if he was in India.

“Yes, how did you know?” he queried.

” I’m not deaf, and everyone in the background is speaking something other than English. I can hear them.”

After multiple times on hold, John could not solve my problem but he said I would get a call from someone who could within 24 hours. He ended by asking me if I was happy with their service. Really? Deep breath…

” I will be happy when the problem is solved and I have my home phone service back again. But I realize that you did the best you could and I’m not unhappy with you personally.”

The next morning I was trying to live chat with my email provider support team. Janet (not her real name I’m thinking) was careful to authenticate my account. In fact, they all were very careful to do this, maybe at the beginning of the conversation but also maybe near the end. Oooops. It gave me a good chance to review the husband’s father’s middle name and the last four digits of every credit card I own. Unfortunately, Janet just disappeared after asking me if I wanted to give her remote access to my computer.

It was then that the 24 hour expert called back about my VOIP problem. His name was James and I think he was telling the truth. He sounded like a James. We talked until he determined I needed a new piece of equipment, which he was going to program to my number and have me call it to test. Meanwhile he wanted to solve my email problem as well. How nice.

His solution was for me to download another email program which he personally liked and assured me was the best and only one to have. Let’s see… I have Windows Mail (yuk), Earthlink webmail, and Outlook Mail and he thinks I need to have Mozilla Thunderbird. As I said, I am at idiot stage and I thought nothing of putting on a fourth email handler. Like, why not? An hour later he called and said the piece of equipment he was programming for me was just not solving the problem because of some “backroom” issues. What is a backroom issue? The people who were going to handle this problem would get back to me whenever they got to it. I was not first on their list. Okay.

This was how my two and a half “days off” were consumed. John, Janet and James, my new friends. I went to work with a real bad headache.

This morning I needed to email someone. I went to my new mail account with the fabulous Thunderbird, and of course the first thing I needed was the address, for the To: box. Only I had no addresses in Thunderbird. Seriously, there should just be a button called Address Book that I could click on and drag where I wanted it, right? I worked, I googled, I cried. I think the husband was getting a little worried. He finally told me to call Eddie.

Eddie is my new BEST friend. He runs a computing business and is a very compassionate person who doesn’t mind a bit of sobbing and whining. He has a link on the first page of his website that people like me can click to give him remote access and then sit back and watch our problems go away. It was beautiful. Strangely, Eddie thinks I am computer literate, ha ha ha ha,

This is the first thing I’ve tried to do on the computer since it was cleaned, defragged and had it’s “foundation”, as Eddie calls it, shored up. All the nasty viruses and cookies and temp files have been evicted. I have a desktop with words not pictures, nothing rhymes with wait, bait or gate, although I’m told it’s still under there somewhere. Now, I’m hopefully going to go send an email, or check into a mental institution. One or the other, just sayin’…

Catch Up

December 11, 2014December 11, 2014 Shirleyjdietz2 Comments

I put this first just to get your attention. Read to the end for the story.

Over a week at home since a wonderful trip up north and I still have not had time to write down the memories and reflect on them. It was our Thanksgiving trip and since I think we would all agree that it doesn’t make sense to limit being thankful to one day of the year, I’m thankful again today! Thanks to Florida daughter Julie, who shared the trip with us and to all our hosts and fellow celebrants in Hayward. I love you Mom and Dad, Denny and Mary Pat, Evan, Claire, Scruffy and Socks, Bob and Ozzie, Gary, Jamie, Eduardo, Jonathan and the Madison sisters Michelle, Judith and Susan. It might better be done with pictures so here goes…

Before the feast - one of our two tables with Mom's birthday flowers as the centerpiece. — Before the feast – one of our two tables with Mom’s birthday flowers as the centerpiece.

During the feast. Way too much food, but this is one of the things we remember about Thanksgiving, right?

After the feast. My Dad doesn't cook. Thankfully, he does take dish washing and clean up as his main responsibility. Go Dad! — After the feast. My Dad doesn’t cook. Thankfully, he does take dish washing and clean up as his main responsibility. Go Dad!

And for the second year in a row, the snow fell heavily. We spent time in the woods, skiing, snowshoeing, and driving the unplowed fire lanes in Brother Bob’s four wheel drive truck. You cannot imagine how beautiful it was unless you live in the north and see it for yourself.

Brother Bob and Jullia and yes the backdrop is REAL and REALLY COLD.

The skiing style is cross country, which is not to say that there aren’t hills, you just have no lift to pull you up them. An international ski event, the American Birkebeiner, is held in the Hayward area on this beautiful, well maintained trail – 26 miles through forest and field. We spent some time on a small section of it and warmed up afterward in the shelter, and then, of course, it was time for latte’s and hot chocolate at the Mooselip Cafe. You saw the moose himself in the opening picture.