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The Simple Power of Genuine Kindness: a True Story – by Jeff Haden

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This is the way it should work.

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Business people shaking hands after successful negotiationsMy client acquired a large company and I went along for his initial meetings with his new employees.

In the afternoon he planned a company-wide address. That morning we met for several hours with top executives. (Talk about emotions on full display: ego, anxiety, obsequiousness, defensiveness, fear, excitement… when the new sheriff comes to town all the icy-cool corporate masks quickly come off.)

The meeting ended at noon and when we walked out fifteen minutes later he noticed a big buffet set up on the other side of the atrium. There were plenty of people standing around in white coats and black slacks but no one in line or sitting at tables.

“What’s that for?” he asked a person walking past.

“The company arranged a meal for after your meeting,” she said. “A local restaurant closed for the day to come here.” She paused. “I think the chef and her…

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The Family Vacation

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Let me say first of all that I am very understanding of people who take vacations and go someplace where they don’t know anyone. That is a very healthy thing (not that it’s my experience but I’ve heard it said…). I, however, am blessed with family, all of whom on occasion choose to give up some “alone time” to bond and connect with other family members. I am also blessed to live in Florida. Like, who wouldn’t want to come visit this?

Yes, I live here. It's great.
Yes, I live here. It’s great.

Those of you who don’t get to have family vacations with other family members really need to see how it works. One of my brothers and his family decided to escape four months and several feet of snow and spend some time in my sunshine. The five of them arrived for the one week this year when there was fog and grey skies pretty much every day. This is a weather phenomenon that you can expect to happen.

I love my family and don’t want them to get sick on their vacation so I do clean my house (sort of). But I will say that if you don’t have time, just forget cleaning the floor, because after the group arrives you can’t find it anyway. Get people tired enough from their traveling and they will sleep anywhere, on the floor, on the couch, on weird mattresses. “Just find a place that looks good to you”, I tell them. And from that point on, don’t ask people how their night was and if they slept well. Don’t do it.

Refugee camp decor...
Refugee camp decor…
Blankets, pillows, bags, shoes, stuff X 5 = no visible floor.
Blankets, pillows, bags, shoes, stuff X 5 = no visible floor.

Maybe your family will need some down time after being in airports and cooped up in planes for a day, but maybe not. We went to the beach the first day. Nobody came here to sit in the house. The fog was thick but we found our way. The squirrels were plentiful, the waves were big, it was surprisingly warm and peaceful on the beach and we big people might have taken a short nap. There were a couple minutes of sunshine. I had a great time and learned that I can indeed carry two kayaks on my small car. Yay.

At least the white stuff isn't snow.
At least the white stuff isn’t snow.
Only people from up north go swimming in 65 degree water.
Only people from up north go swimming in 65 degree water.
The moment of sunshine.
The moment of sunshine.

The second day of my brother’s family vacation was also his wife’s birthday. She did not mind at all that the activity planned for that day was a zip line/ropes course high above the ground. Wouldn’t you like to test your youthfulness and defy aging in such a challenging way? Of course you would. It was awesome (watching them from the ground and taking pictures). That evening, in spite of terrorist mall threats, we had a superb evening meal at the new University Town Center – to celebrate the birthday and the fact that we had no significant injuries from the day’s activity. A fun, fun night.

Gearing up for hanging from high places.
Gearing up for hanging from high places.
High places. Yep.
High places. Yep.
More "down to earth" activity - at dinner after an exciting day.
More “down to earth” activity – at dinner after an exciting day.

The third day of family vacation, my daughter and my sister-in-law ran away to the shopping outlet for some quality girl time. The rest of us “elite” shoppers went to the flea market. But on the way, just to make it an educational outing for the homeschooling teens, I took them to lunch at the local Hispanic grocery store/deli. I find that this is one of the most fascinating places to experience a different culture. I will say that most American kids are not used to seeing whole cooked fish, with eyes and scales. It is so exciting to order a meal and not know exactly what you’re going to get. Who knew that “Fajita Mix” was a plate of meat big enough to feed all five of us? At the flea market we had excellent success getting the things on my nephew’s list – a watch, sunglasses and an antique teapot. He is a guy with very eclectic interests. That night we sat out in the yard watching a bonfire and dodging the sparks and smoke. For some reason this is a favorite activity with my family and they ask for it all the time. Go figure.

Humongous plate of meat. We took it home for another whole meal.
Humongous plate of meat. We took it home for another whole meal.

Day four. Did I mention my nephew has eclectic interests? One of his goals for me (bless his heart) was that I should help him sew a cape that he could wear to the Renaissance Festival. Because he might actually have picked up some sewing skills it was classified as a school activity. So, that day’s drama had a lot to do with floor sweeping, black velvet, hooded clothing. We did however take a break and a ride to Apollo Beach to see the manatees gathered at the electric power plant. The water was full of the large, gentle creatures just trying to stay warm. There were so many of them that I couldn’t help but wonder what they were all finding to eat. It was like a big family reunion where no one planned any food. But maybe I was just projecting some of my own anxieties, yeah, that was probably it.

Me and my sister-in-law with our manatee friend, appropriately blue with cold.
Me and my sister-in-law with our manatee friend, appropriately blue with cold.
Brrr... poor manatees.
Brrr… poor manatees.

And finally, the last day of their visit with me was today. We invited some more family over for breakfast, waffles and strawberries, conversation and reminiscing. They packed up their things in their rental car and headed off to spend time with another brother several hours away. They will come back briefly to spend the night before flying back to the cold,snowy north.

I love my family. We plan together, work together, play together and want to stay together. Because we live in such scattered places, sometimes that “family vacation” is the way we do it.

I want to write but,…

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I’ve started to write a couple of times lately and then had to delete sensitive material, leaving nothing worth posting.  There are times like this that if I wrote what I was doing I would have to lie about it, or kill all my readers. That would be very counterproductive.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of dirt this week, stuff you wouldn’t expect to find in high places, but there it is.  I have a very small portion of the world to oversee, but that doesn’t mean I take my job lightly.  I’m getting visitors this weekend, VIP’s, and making preparations for their comfort and safety and entertainment has been on my mind.  And three times this week I’ve met with a high ranking Navy officer to… there it is again, more of the stuff I can’t tell you.  And yet on the surface life looks so average, so normal.  Appearances are important.

Some day I’ll write a book and it will all be out there.  What a relief that will be.  Just sayin’…

Draw Me

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Luck of the draw, to draw a following, I’m drawn to that, draw your weapon, draw me aside, draw up, draw down, draw away. After a while this simple word with only four letters starts to sound and look funny because of all the ways it appears in our speech – 25 different meanings in my dictionary. The common thread seems to be the ability to cause to move in a particular direction. That causes me to think, what draws me? What causes me to move in a particular direction, toward or away from something? Or someone?

I’m drawn to things of beauty. I’m drawn to simplicity. I’m drawn to optimism. I’m drawn to challenges. I’m drawn to usefulness. And when none of these things exist, I’m still drawn to being wanted. I want to be wanted. That word starts to sound funny to me too.

It started back in grade school where it was mandated that we go out and play, like it or not. I loved it, especially when it was the season to play kick ball, or touch football. Those were mostly “boy sports” but there were at least two of us girls who always wanted to be included and knew the rules of the games. It was good, no it was GREAT, when we were picked to be on a team, not last, but somewhere in the middle between the star players and the incompetents. We were valued and wanted.

Even now, I will do some things that I don’t necessarily like to do, simply because someone I care about wants me to do it. No beauty involved, maybe complex and inconvenient, maybe not completely fun, maybe I’m not being useful, but someone affirms my value by wanting me. That is a very strong draw. (Disclaimer: This is not to say that I DO everything I’m drawn to. I can’t. I don’t.)

What started this train of thought was a very beautiful, peaceful song by a group called “Selah”. It’s called simply “Oh Draw Me, Lord”. I’ve heard all my life that God draws people, which is what this song is about, and I started wondering how, and why. The only other words in the song besides “draw me” are “and I’ll run after you.” It sounds to me like God does something first and then I respond.

I’m no theological genius, but it makes sense to me that if there is a God, he should make the first move. He should have a way of drawing my attention to himself. He should show me stuff he’s done, he should get me curious, he should be fun and maybe a bit mysterious. Yeah, I know it sounds kind of like the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. Actually, the analogy holds because the “why” is the same in both cases. I am wanted.

I believe God wants me. I believe it intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I believe it because this world is just too awesome to be here for any reason except to draw our attention. Honestly, do you have a beloved pet? Have you looked into a pair of soft animal eyes and not wondered what they were thinking and why they loved you? Have you spent a few minutes at sunset, looking at the colors in the sky and the formation of the clouds and not felt something in your spirit? It’s not just that it’s there, but also that I can see it, and think about it, and call it beautiful. I am drawn to wonder, and I haven’t heard of an adequate scientific explanation of why that happens.

My response is, “go ahead God, draw me more, keep doing it. I want to be sure that I’m wanted.” I don’t think I have to be worried about being the last one picked for the team either. There is a statement in a miraculously preserved book, that claims God has said “If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me”. There isn’t anybody he doesn’t want! I’m just saying that this is what makes me want to know more, and that’s what “running after” is all about.

wpid-20150215_170830.jpg

Working It Out, Somehow…

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On a day when it didn’t seem apparent how we would accomplish what needed to be done, most of it got done. We could have spent a great deal of the time in despair of one degree or another and wasted a perfectly fine day.  I don’t think we did.

Dr. Julia is a mobile equine vet but had to work all day in a small animal clinic where she picks up some extra work – her second job. It left her with very little time to work out details of getting her vet box transferred from one truck to the other.  My job for the morning was to lighten the weight of the box by taking out all that was in it.

You have no idea how much stuff can be packed into a box the size of a small truck bed.  And since much of the medical supplies are put in hastily, on the way to or from an emergency, there is a lot of disorganization and a bit of trash that never gets disposed of.  Since most of the patients live outside and eat hay there is a generous complement of oak leaves and hay stubble scattered throughout. It’s a mobile hospital and it could probably use a full-time janitor to keep track of it’s condition.

The box when it was new carried it’s own supply of water, with a little pump.  That no longer works but the water tanks were full and water is heavy.  I had to  revisit my siphoning skills with one of the docs treatment tubes (trying not to think about which orifice of a horse the tube might have visited last…).  I am a very effective siphoner.

Vet box supplies to be reloaded
Vet box supplies to be reloaded

Everything I took out was piled on a table in the yard, covered by a tarp.  The rest of the day I spent cleaning the box, and vacuuming the old vet truck.  The doctor has a beautiful, intelligent, loving black dog (Tess) who spends a lot of time in that truck and I vacuumed enough black hair out of it to cover another dog just like her..

During lunch break Julie came home and we spent some time unbolting the box from the pick-up bed. There were only three bolts, but that kind of job has some dirty, under the truck moments. We had trouble with one of the bolts.  It was unmovable.  I kept praying that a man with a tool would come walking down the driveway, but that didn’t happen.

Julie’s guess is that the box weighs almost 800 lbs. and when she bought it, it took four men to hoist it into her truck. She asked various friends if they could help her with this move but couldn’t manage to get four men in one place at the same time.  The crew we ended up with was one hefty older teen boy, one short Hispanic man and his three young children, and once more it was after dark.

Fortunately our one man was pretty resourceful.  He had us slide the box out and put one end on the ground, holding it at a tilt.  I pulled the truck away, Julie backed the other truck in it’s place and they rested the box in the bed, lifted the end off the ground and slid it in.  Two guys did this.  It was beautiful.  This may not seem like a big deal to some of you, but when you’ve had a day, a week, a year, when everything you try to do is hard, it is a big deal.  This has been Julie’s life for a while now.  So I gave the man a hug.  He deserved it.

Today the supplies got put back in and the doc is ready to go on Monday, almost. She still has to buy a step stool because the truck is so high she can’t reach into the side compartments of the vet box… there’s always something. Just sayin’.

The troublemaker vet box, finally in place.
The troublemaker vet box, finally in place.

Coolest school principal ever

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This post is for Gracie, my cousin twice removed (although that sounds so much more distant than we really are). Not too long ago we spent some time together and she brought her tablet along for something to do. We sat together and watched/listened to every version of “Let It Go” that was on youtube. Then we watched/listened to every parody of “Let It Go” on youtube. And this was all before she knew that I had never watched “Frozen” and had no clue what was being let go. She is my window on the world of present day childhood. So Gracie, I don’t think you’ve heard this one. It’s pretty good considering how quickly it must have been put together.

And Again…

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The culprits, together again only by a miracle.
The culprits, together again only by a miracle.

“If we believe that God is everywhere, why would we not believe that he is in the smallest of coincidences? A coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”   R. Zacharias

Walking along the street with my daughter and granddog, I reached up for the hundredth time and tucked my hair behind my ear.  Only this time it was with immediate recognition that the gold hoop earring was not there.  Did I just knock it off? Julie began searching the pavement while I checked the hood of my jacket and inside my shirt.  I joined her and for a few minutes we searched the area, so obviously looking for something that a man walking by questioned us about it.  What were we looking for? How big was it?  This would make three times one of those earrings has fallen off and been labeled “LOST”.  Since we had been walking for more than half an hour, over a couple miles of road, I didn’t think there was much point in looking for it at all.  Oddly, I wasn’t terribly upset.  I loved those hoops and in spite of the poor clasp I wore them all the time, so it was my own fault.  This third time was inevitable.

However Julia, was not ready to quit looking.  She verbalized a quick prayer for help and her willingness to plan the search won me over.  We split up, turned on our phone flashlights and started retracing our steps.  The park we walked in was like a maze and it was difficult to remember which side of the road, which direction, which street we had been on.  It was also getting so dark that we could only see a small circle in front of us.  As we finally joined each other and started out of the park, Julie jokingly said “that man will probably come with your earring.”

Actually there was a man approaching us with his flashlight on.  And the first words we heard were “Girls, put your flashlights away.”  He held out my earring and shone his flashlight on it.  “It was very close to where I first saw you.” he told us.  “I figured it must be kind of important, the way you were looking for it.”  I think I hugged him.

As we walked home we began to think of all the coincidences involved in that experience.  Why did I suddenly notice the absence when I didn’t really feel anything, hear anything hitting the ground?  Interesting that I showed the man what it looked like – of several people I encountered he was the only one to ask or know.  He didn’t ask our names or have any contact information for us.  Had we left the park any earlier the chances of us meeting again would have been almost nothing.  We almost did leave earlier and could have taken a different street than we did.  It was pretty miraculous that we encountered him on our way out.  Now you know why I like the definition of coincidence at the beginning of this post.

Today I’m going to check on getting a different clasp on my tricky hoops.  At the same time I’m glad, grateful for the experience of losing a piece of jewelry since by it I had a chance to credit the God who loves me, in small ways.  He is approachable, concerned, all-knowing and nothing is too small to discuss with him.  He is perfect for someone like me who needs a lot of watching over… just sayin.

Today’s Marvel, Sunday January 18, 2015

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There are times when I feel so glued to the screen. When both of “my devices” are busy notifying, flashing messages and asking for my attention, it begins to feel like I can’t get enough.  I get almost obsessed with staying in touch.  Time to get outside and touch some real things.

Even though it’s Florida and we hardly ever get a freeze, I like to bring my orchids in for the winter. Every couple weeks I take them back out and spray them down, give them a good drink.  That’s what I did today. I was surprised how many of them have bloom stalks that will soon be flowers, in addition to those already blooming.  Taking care of my plants is part of the joy of having them – it is SO an antidote to computer paralysis.  They are a dose of fresh beauty right from the hand of God.

Here are my beauties, and the marvel of the day is at the end.  I think he lives there permanently.

just look at their cute faces...
just look at their cute faces…
these deep purple ones are some of my favorites
these deep purple ones are some of my favorites
Their thick healthy roots really anchor them
Their thick healthy roots really anchor them
...and my little marvel.
…and my little marvel.

Christmas On Call

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The blogging world is full of posts about Christmas, lights, trees, presents, the good of it and the bad of it.  None of that here. We spent the holiday with the lady horse doctor who was on call all weekend.  The best decoration we saw was not red and green but was best described as ROYGBIV.  It was a stormy drive up to Jacksonville and for the last hour we saw the most beautiful rainbow directly in front of us.  It was the most vivid, bright rainbow I have ever seen and it just kept getting better and better.  My pictures don’t do it justice but here it is…

the prettiest decoration we saw
the prettiest decoration we saw

Being on call for Dr. Julia means having to go everywhere with the vet truck and two cell phones just in case someone needs an emergency visit.  She got through Christmas Eve and the next morning with no calls. Finally,during the one celebratory dinner that we were invited to, the answering service finally found out she was the designated doctor and the calls started coming.  Off she went to help a suffering horse.

I say that she had to take the vet truck, but part of the challenge of the weekend was that her truck was in the shop getting wheel bearings replaced.  She borrowed a truck from one of the other docs and it had to go back to him the next morning.  So, for Friday morning’s calls she had to bear the indignity of driving around in “the Mary Kay car” as she calls it (no it’s not a pink Cadillac, It’s my gray Mazda with a small MK sticker in the back window…). And I got to come along.  We put on a couple hundred miles driving up to the Jekyll Island area to check out a horse with a swollen eye.  It was a sunny, warm day and the Georgia coast was stunning. I want to go back when I have time to stay. While I’m thinking about it, if anyone wants to help me start fund raising to get Dr. Julia a good truck that doesn’t break down every other week, let’s do it.

Sinus infections.  Yes, horses get them and they have a lot of sinuses in those long heads.  The next stop was to check out a horse with copious, foul smelling drainage coming out of it’s nose.  Dr. Weldon and Dr. Julia got to put a camera up this horse’s nostril and rule out a tumor/lesion, after which Dr. J. punched a hole into the sinus and irrigated it.  Not your average Christmas activity.  Not smelling at all like pine boughs and cinnamon.  It was gross.

See the little square over the sinus area where the hair has been shaved.
See the little square over the sinus area where the hair has been shaved.
numbing the area
numbing the area
working the large bore needle into the sinus to drain and irrigate
working the large bore needle into the sinus to drain and irrigate
looks brutal but it works (I've seen just about the same procedure done to humans)
looks brutal but it works (I’ve seen just about the same procedure done to humans)

This horse felt a lot better when she was done.  Really.

The next day when her own truck was back, Dr. J graciously allowed the husband to ride with her on morning calls and he found it very interesting. His only complaint was there weren’t any stops for food and it was way past lunch by the time she brought him back. She still had to do one more barn call up in Georgia.

What a great weekend it was.  I love spending time with my grown children, seeing what they do, what makes up their days. There is time to talk while we drive or fix meals together, or watch Master Chef episodes back to back.  I love to help with the housecleaning and dishwashing, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch, letting the dog out or feeding the cats.  It’s all good.

Sunday morning we threw our bags in the Mary Kay car and headed out into the fog toward home. Dr. J was standing at the door and there was a text on my phone, “I miss you already.” We waved and cried.  And those are the things that I will remember about Christmas on call.

(Order Mary Kay from me in 2015 and help fund a vet truck for a struggling horse doctor ... just sayin'.)
(Order Mary Kay from me in 2015 and help fund a vet truck for a struggling horse doctor … just sayin’.)

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Oh Look!

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We were just walking along, talking more than looking where we were going because we were both very familiar with the street.  Then my walking buddy said “oh look, this guy feeds the parrots”.  She knew the guy and had been aware of his birding hobby.  It had started small and grown exponentially to three feedings per day for hundreds of birds.

they are larger than most parakeets, more parrot sized.
they are larger than most parakeets, more parrot sized.

We were only a few feet away from the bird feeder in his yard which was draped, top and all sides, with large bright green birds with black feathered heads.  They were taking turns, in what seemed like family groups, coming to the feeder and then retreating to surrounding trees and electric lines.  I started looking around to see other groups of the same bird in all directions until I was amazed at their numbers.

“How does he afford this? Sunflower seeds aren’t that cheap?” My friend didn’t know.  I wondered if the easy food hadn’t figured into their increasing numbers.  I hadn’t seen the parrots anywhere else and yet they must live somewhere when they weren’t here.  How did they know to come at certain times? What made them so orderly?  I walked close and took pictures and it didn’t seem to bother them.

Later the man who did the feeding rode past on his bike.  He had seen me taking pictures and we already had a bond over our bird excitement. I asked him if the noise they made bothered the neighbors.

“Not as much as when the crows come and chase them away,” he laughed. Black hooded parakeets, that’s what he said they were.

I couldn’t quit thinking about how unusual it was to see that kind of animal/bird gathering, not an everyday experience for me.  I could have walked past and not paid attention, but thankfully this time I noticed and enjoyed and decided to share this little gift with y’all.  Just sayin’.

Black hooded parakeets having breakfast.
Black hooded parakeets having breakfast.