What I Learned about Love and Walks in the Woods

September 30, 2023 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Still a part of my new life as a widow and a grandma in the making…

Esther and I were enjoying our time in North Carolina, the second day after her arrival. When we get together, Esther often brings me some piece of clothing that she thinks I would like. This time I was gifted with a nice cotton dress, the kind of dress that should be worn often and enjoyed, so I was wearing it on this day and feeling quite comfortable in a fun, old fashioned way.

Gwennie Ru and I went on a walk, as was our new custom. This time I stayed on the paths that were not difficult to negotiate while wearing the dress, that was just a bit above my ankles. It was easy to check my legs for wood ticks, and there were none after the walk. But, strangely, there was a bite that looked and felt like a tick bite. I was bothered all night, wondering where the tick might be. Every little sensation, anywhere, had me searching all over again. If you’ve ever lived in wood tick country, you know what I’m saying.

The next day the four of us girls started on our trip to Pennsylvania. It was a rainy day with tropical storm Ophelia. The night before, I had seriously thought about cancelling. I could imagine having an accident on the way and risking all of us, Dennis’s whole family, being wiped out on the way to his memorial. But, I’m not superstitious about my worrisome thoughts, and it didn’t seem like a message from God either. Morning came and gave us a break long enough to load the car and set out. Of course, I prayed for safety and then began the drive. I was concentrating on the road all day and didn’t think about bug bites, or itching.

We arrived at our destination and were getting ready for bed that night when I realized there were bites all over my legs and midriff. All over, and they were inflamed, and they itched. They were not wood tick bites, they were chiggers. I had heard of them, but never experienced the misery. I spent the next two days taking Benadryl every four hours just to get through the weekend. I am rethinking going on walks down by the river, in a dress. Just so you know, there were no bug bites on my grandbaby.

Thankfully, nothing was able to ruin the time together with the Pennsylvania family. The memorial was a chance to reconnect with them and strengthen family bonds. We talked and remembered things about Dennis and his growing up years that made him who he was. I saw my children and their cousins coming to appreciate each other and their life experiences. I enjoyed the same welcoming spirit and comforting love from Dennis’s brother and sister and their families that I had always felt. I realized that I had let some of that lie untended and forgotten.

The truth is that with any love, for myself, for others, or for God, doing with intention is necessary. Even though I may not have told love to die, it will up and do so all by itself, unless I tend to it. Time goes by and the distance created becomes more tolerable. I can forget how special it is to love and to be loved. That is a sad position to be in.

Now, we are safely back in North Carolina. My bug bites have healed. I am sticking to safer paths for the time being, no matter what I’m wearing. And I am seriously thinking about how the next Dietz reunion might look. The weekend had some valuable results, just sayin’…

Becoming Grandma: Time Goes On

September 28, 2023September 28, 2023 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Day 11

It is becoming clear that this time in North Carolina will not be a daily posting opportunity. The time is going by so quickly, and the schedule is… well, there is no schedule. Instead, I’m going to record stories the way I remember them. After this, no more numbering the days.

Last week was a whirlwind of activity. On Wednesday Julia had a day off work, so we packed up Gwennie Ru and did a shopping trip. She slept in her car seat, even as we were in and out of stores.

My other event of the day was driving an hour away to Raleigh to pick up Esther at the airport. We had planned to both be here in NC for a couple of reasons. One, we were going to attend an additional memorial service for Dennis, my husband, in Pennsylvania. We planned to have a girl’s road trip with three generations in the car – me (the aged one), Julia and Esther (the middles) and Gwennie Ru. This service was for the Pennsylvania relatives and friends who were unable to attend the service in July. It was also for Julia, since she hadn’t been able to travel then either. More about that later.

The following day, I hadn’t even dried off from my shower when Julia called. She and Gwennie Ru had been having some symptoms of a cold and she was worried about the way Gwennie kept rubbing her ears. She wanted to make sure there was no ear infection going on before we went on our PA trip. She had been able to get an appointment with the pediatrician. Could I get Gwennie there in an hour or so?

So you may be thinking, what’s the big deal about that? And that was what I told myself to quell those sneaky little twinges of panic that leapt up from who knows where. I can take someone’s precious newborn in my car and drive half an hour through an unfamiliar city and present her, with the correct information, to an unknown band of professionals. No sweat.

And that’s what happened. We got through the trip, two short feedings, a dirty diaper, and exams by an intern and a doctor. Gwennie was well behaved and had perfectly fine ears. Truly, this is why I start every day in prayer, asking for help with unexpected tasks, and end every day grateful to God who understands and hears.

Gwennie having some Auntie time with Esther

Becoming Grandma: Day 2

September 28, 2023September 28, 2023 ShirleyjdietzLeave a comment

Day #2

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like Gwennie Ru needs a person pretty much dedicated to her, without too much else to do. I did just go outside and water some flowers and empty the garbage, but to do something like writing, something requiring thought as well as time, is really hard.

This morning we took another walk along the Haw River that borders the property. Some of the trails have been recently mowed, others not so much. I took one of the “not so much” trails today and found a couple wood ticks when I got back. I lost one of them somewhere in the bedroom and ended up vacuuming the whole room, hoping to get rid of it. I should probably think more about where I go with my precious bundle, but it’s been so nice to be able to walk while I’m here. It’s almost a sure way to get Gwennie to quiet down and wait for the next thing scheduled to happen.

Today I dressed her in a short sleeve onesie and some long pants to cover her legs on our walk. I put socks on her too because it always feels like her feet are cold. She has no extra fat anywhere to keep her warm and padded. She has SO MANY CLOTHES. I would be surprised if she gets to wear all her outfits before she grows out of them. A lot of them are handed down from friends and relatives. Her mama doesn’t know how to say no to anyone, especially when everything is so cute.

This morning it was 54 degrees in my RV and that was fine when I was under the covers, but pretty chilly when I wasn’t. I learned how to light the furnace – my one accomplishment before grandma duties began.

My spiritual reflection for today came while looking down at Gwennie’s little face as she slept. How easy and compelling it is to love someone who is so helpless and dependent. That condition is part of why I love her. I want to guard her, meet her needs, teach her to live safely in the world and let her know she is valued and loved. Duh, lightbulb moment… that is why God created us to be able to have parenting experiences. He wanted us to have that feeling toward helpless children in our care, because that is exactly what we are to him. And that is how he feels toward us. It is such a rich blessing to be created in the image of a loving God.

Becoming Grandma

September 20, 2023 Shirleyjdietz3 Comments

These posts may be less carefully edited because the baby does not sleep very long.

My last visit to North Carolina, Riverbend Farm, was for the birth of Gwendolyn Ruth Shanahan on July 24, 2023. Unfortunately, I got sick and missed the main event almost entirely. I stayed only three weeks and then went home to recover.

I arrived again on September 16. This time I am devoted to figuring out some of this “Grandma business”. It sounds like something that should be simple – you become a grandma when your grandchild is born. I have a feeling there’s more to it than that.

The timing of this visit is because Gwennie got baptized the day after I arrived. In this case, the terms baptism and dedication are interchangeable, in my mind. She will make her own decision about believing and choosing to follow Jesus someday, but this was a decision by her parents and church family, to raise her in full knowledge of that path. I loved being there and making my own promise to show her God’s love. Of course, water was involved, but she behaved well as it was poured on her little head.

Day #1 Grandma Daycare

Gwennie Ru is very small, not yet two months old, and I know that it will take some time for me to recognize her personality. Today was my first day doing her care while Mommy went to work. We hung out together all day and I’m still not sure who she is. But I now know that she gets hungry every three hours and is intelligent enough to get bored quickly when awake. I have heard her cry “bloody murder” when trapped for hours in her car seat, but in the course of a normal day she doesn’t cry loudly or often. She fusses and makes funny faces. She can be coaxed into a nap easily and I’m getting good at that.

After I figured out how to get her pack fastened on me, and then how to get her in it, we took three walks around the farm. I got over 14,000 steps. I’m teaching her to pray with me while we walk.